blindfold, Paula Carrasquillo, Paula Renee Carrasquillo, Paula Reeves-Carrasquillo, psychopath, sociopath, awareness, dating a sociopath, divorcing a narcissist

blindfoldRemember that game we played as kids? The one in which you were blindfolded, spun in circles five times and then set out in search for some hidden item or person? And the closer you got to that item, your friends would call out things like, “You’re getting warmer, warmer.” And once you stepped directly in the path of that item, your friends would scream, “You’re so hot, you’re on fire!” And you’d reach out and touch it, and the game would be over. You won!

Remember that game? Well, it’s the game I feel like I need to (hypothetically) play with the people coming to my blog from Northern Virginia. I want to (hypothetically) scream:

“You are on fire. You’re so close! You’re in the fire zone of the sociopath!”

But I can’t, and I won’t (hypothetically). All I can offer is a (hypothetical) warning:

Don’t extend your reach because there is no winner, only losers when you invite a sociopath into your life. And please don’t think you can be the one to finally defeat or tame that beast. It’s a trick your mind (and the sociopath’s) are playing on you. He may seem fixed and cured, but that’s a facade, another mask, one of his three favorite masks:

  • Victim (She’s destroying me! Everything she says is a lie.)
  • Savior(Only I can help you! You need me.)
  • Persecutor(You’re a whore just like everyone else! You’re dead to me.)

The truth is he doesn’t really care if you stay or go. Don’t get me wrong. When he asks you not to leave, he means it. But he doesn’t want you to stay because he loves you so much. He’s just enjoyed controlling you. He sees his ability to control you as love. Love means control. Anyone and anything that he can successfully control 100%, he loves: his dog, his girlfriend, his workers, his illegal friends.

But the biggest reason he doesn’t want you to leave is because he can’t stand the whole “starting over” bit. Damn! Just when he thought he had you in the perfect place of control, you decide to leave. You know how much effort and “hiding” on his part went into getting you right where he thought he had you?

So he’ll cry like a big old baby if you suggest you want out of the relationship. He’ll promise to be better. He’ll promise never to do “that” again (whatever “that” may be). He’ll make you feel so dizzy from the wailing and crying that you’ll say, “Okay. I’m willing to try” just so your head will stop spinning. (Mind control. Believe it!)

And let’s say (hypothetically) that you do decide to stay. I suggest that you tell him the very next day that you changed your mind and you are serious this time and will be leaving him. Like the day before, he’ll wail and cry about. But this time, don’t give in. Don’t succumb to the toddler tactics.

This time, when you refuse to listen to the shame and blame of the 35+-year-old toddler before you, the most sinister thing will happen right before your eyes:

You will witness the moment you become dead to him. The black, glassed-over, gaze of his eyes upon you (or rather through you) tell the complete story. It’s dark and evil and totally empty. (This is your visual proof of the absence of attachment he feels for you or anything about you. You may have missed this, especially if the breakup occurred over the phone or through email. Dammit!)

If you do witness this or have witnessed it, never forget it and take it as the best and only proof you will ever receive regarding what he is and where his soul is.

He’s a sociopath whose soul belongs to the devil.

Accept it. Take off the blindfold. No need to reach out for proof that further contact will hurt you. You know intuitively that fire causes inevitable harm, and the closer you get, the worse the burn. Now it’s time to believe sociopaths are just as destructive. And the only way to stop a fire is to douse it, to kill it. Make the sociopath dead to you just like you’re dead to him. It’s not an easy feat. But it’s achievable. Trust me. 🙂


~ Paula

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abuse, Cluster B disorders, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, Family, Forgiveness, Health, Lessons, Love, Mental Health, mindfulness, Narcissist, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Narcissistic Sociopath, NPD, Peace, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Psychopaths, PTSD, Recovery, Relationships, Science, Self Improvement, Sociopaths, Spirituality, Washington D.C.
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Join the conversation! 21 Comments

  1. A great post, Paula – completely true!


  2. Hi Paula,

    Spot on again ;0)
    I love your book :),
    Rightfully you should be proud of yourself for surviving that devil!
    Your sharing is helping a lot of people and as long as it doesn’t undermine your own healing,then I think you are strong enough to withstand anything :0)
    Stay healthy & positive :0)
    Eternal Thanks.
    PR X


  3. As always – great posting. I was just reading an article in the New Yorker about domestic violence. The comment was made that abusers, when asking for forgiveness, will cry more tears then any one would ever expect. They will literally sob, but this does not mean they have changed their behavior (or will change).


    • It’s was excruciating, Kimberly. My ex sounded like a cat dying when he cried. And I know what a cat dying sounds like only because I had a kitten as a teenager who died after giving birth to her babies that died. She was too small to carry the babies and the babies just weren’t strong enough. His cries reminded me of that poor kitty who died of a broken heart. It was gut-wrenching!


    • for some reason, thanks for making me laugh about this. Sounding like a cat dying is a perfect description


  4. cockroaches do not like the light….so put as much light on them as possible…always


  5. Paula, I’ve been reading your blog for a while now – love your posts, so very helpful. One thing I noticed is that you mention you know your ex also reads your blog, and I wondered, do you or did you ever fear for your safety at all?
    Best, Katalina


    • No. I’m not afraid of him. He’s already hired a lawyer who sent me a cease and desist letter to scare me into shutting down my blog. When that didn’t work, he successfully went before a judge and got a 6-month peace order against me for online harassment. “He feared for his life. He suffered emotional anguish. He suffered loss of reputation.” He had to lie, because he can’t dispute my words. So he plays the victim. He likes the victim role. That’s his niche. Murdering or harming me physically would make him look like the true monster he is. He can’t have that. He still has a couple decades to live. Maybe I’ll worry when I’m 80. 🙂


    • But some days I do feel vulnerable. But I can’t be silent. Regardless of what he can or could potentially do to me to harm me. It’s out of my hands. I have tried to stop writing. I really have. I have tried to stop speaking out. But people or circumstances pull me back in. My friends say there is something outside of my control that keeps me motivated. They don’t think I am working alone, so to say. I’d like to think it’s the energy coming from all those who can’t, actually can not speak out, that is pushing me. I don’t do this for me anymore. That ended when I started receiving mail from women and men who felt relief knowing they were no longer alone. I can’t stop. I don’t want someone to miss out on finding peace through my message or through the messages of those who share and comment here. I don’t want anyone to feel the deep pain I felt or to make the same stupid mistakes I made while in the relationship and immediately outside the relationship. 🙂


    • Yes, it is great finding a blog like yours, especially when even your best girlfriends balk at terms like “sociopath” cause they weren’t there in the moment when you saw him really drop the mask, revealing the cold, contemptuous being underneath.
      It was / is hard for me to make sense out of it, so the great sites on the internet have been a lifesaver… 🙂


    • Maybe I’m naive on this issue. But I have no fear for my sociopath. I think these guys are cowards and are too afraid to harm us. Sure they might do it some covert way via our online reputation but if that happens, you can speak out and say, “oh that’s just my angry ex upset over my blog (and then provide a link to your blog.” hehe.

      Also, these guys always want to look like the victim and want to continue to spew their: “poor me, pity me, my crazy ex, I’m a victim” nonsense. If they should harm us, there goes their victim identity!


    • Interesting take on it, MS. Yes, when I get jittery I remind myself there’s already a bunch of exes – “crazy bitches” of course – about whom I heard plenty, and they all seem to still be alive 🙂


  6. OMG Paula, once again the timing on this post is incredible. I just found out my Ex has been saying to everyone, [I’m] dead to him. LMAO! I’m dead to him?! SHA! He wishes I was dead because I know all about his dirty little secrets. I know who he really is. I know about his alias and his double life, the money he’s hiding, the dating sites, the triple X porn, I know it ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    FUCK YOU Ex Pathological Narcissist — YOU ARE DEAD TO ME!!!!


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