success, Paula Carrasquillo, Paula Renee Carrasquillo, Paula Reeves-Carrasquillo, psychopath, sociopath, awareness, dating a sociopath, divorcing a narcissist

successSuccess to a sociopath is all about them. No one else in their inner circle is allowed to succeed or be recognized for their successes unless the sociopath can somehow take credit for it.

“You got the job promotion? It’s a good thing I was there to push you. I’m sure you would have given up without my help.”

“That meal was fantastic! Glad I found the recipe. I’m sure you would have botched it otherwise.”

And once you’re outside the sociopath’s circle, not only are you “dead to him,” anything and everything you do that garners any positive attention is directly attributed to the fact you once knew him.

“She couldn’t have done that without knowing me first. She got lucky.”

“He’s only ahead because I am no longer working there. What a poser. “

“She’s where she is because I told her what she needed to do to get there. She is so pathetic.”

Haha! These fools crack me up! They will never, ever realize that the reverse is true and that when they judge us with name calling, they’re projecting the truth about themselves out into the ether for the world to see. (Keep talking, idiots!)

But most of all, they will never, ever realize that we have something they don’t which allows us to succeed:

We have the ability to discern good from bad and to listen to our conscience. That’s how and why we end up overcoming all and succeeding and never losing those we love the most and those who love us in return.

You will succeed because you have it inside of you. And that ability has always been there long before the sociopath ever infiltrated your life. Believe in yourself and block out the negative comments and energy the sociopath tosses in your direction. You’re positivity is stronger; tap into it and stick with people who encourage and empower your soul, because they are the ones who really want you to succeed and who know you can succeed all by yourself.

Namaste!
~ Paula

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Category:
abuse, Cluster B disorders, Emotional Abuse, Friends, Health, Lessons, Love, Mental Health, mindfulness, Narcissist, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Narcissistic Sociopath, NPD, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Psychopaths, PTSD, Recovery, Relationships, Self Improvement, Sociopaths, Spirituality
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Join the conversation! 22 Comments

  1. Paula, your pontifications have been a life-saver for me in the last few months….just started getting help on-line and found you. I cannot believe there is so much sociopathic prevelance among us.
    I was with a man for almost 14 years. We did not live together, met in our late 30’s and then both our mothers began to have dementia problems and those took the fore-front for years. I thought we were both “coasting”, taking care of our mothers and still staying connected, always. We always made time with our schedules to see each other and talked every nite.
    Last September, he said he was taking a road trip to get a break from care-giving for his mother, and after 13 days of hearing nothing from him, I called his sister who was taking care of their mother while he was gone, and I was told, “He’s in Paris with his fiancee.” Turns out he had not broken up with a women he’d been involved with in 2009 when he and I were on a break up. So for 4 years he saw her on weekends, when I was working, and saw me during the week when she was working and he was engaged for a year and had bought a house with her before I accidentally found out his deceptions.
    I did not know anything about sociopathy until this happened. In an email I exposed his 4 years of deceit to all his friends and family and unknowing fiancee. All he could say was, “You really screwed me over good. You totally destroyed me and my life” No acknowledgement he’d done anything wrong, not even an attempt at an apology. 14 years. I was dumb-struck…. and he told everyone I was a lying demented jilted jealous ex-girlfriend…..when he had done nothing but lie to me and his finacee for 4 years. Then I realized it. With horror I saw clearly he had no guilt, no remorse,,,,,no conscience!!! A textbook sociopath.
    I have been through hell trying to get a grip. I now have a grasp on what it all was with your help and perspectives. I am free……she married him anyway……and I know I will get better and better.
    I know exposing him to everyone….and I know I humilated him….was revenge…..and I had no idea at the time I did it he was a sociopath. I do not regret exposing him. I believe he deserved it, and I must admit, I am still very angry. I must let this go, for myself, I must. But he does not deserve to be happy. He has hurt…almost destroyed…. a very loving, trusting caring woman…for no reason. I don’t believe he deserves to be happily married to a woman who chose to believe his lies and laugh at my pain and the truth I told. You say do not seek revenge. It’s too late, I already did, and I do not regret it but it shows what a good liar he was to have fooled her and gotten married anyway. For 4 years he planned a new life with another person, planned a wedding, bought a house, went to Paris and he could have let me go so that I might have found someone who loved me,but he kept me anyway, knowing he was going to destroy me. He didnt need my love or care or laughter or cooking or humor, he already had someone else, but he took it anyway and gave everything to someone else. It is sometimes difficult to see my way through this, but your thoughts are helping. Thank-you. Wendy

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    • Wendy, Thank you for sharing your painful story. I don’t think exposing them to family and friends is actually revenge. I think exposing them is necessary and serves to protect us. I was told I was “tasteless” for exposing him and that all I did was cause mental anguish to him and his family. Pfft! He and his family have no idea what mental anguish and suffering feel like. And once exposed, they no longer have leverage to weasel their way back into our lives to cause more harm. They now know we know, and they know we are no longer potential or perpetual prey for them. Exposing them definitely earns us a “crazy” badge, according to them. I’ll wear that badge with pride, because it only serves as further proof and validation that they are evil and without conscience. These fools can be left to their island of deceit and manipulations, but we no longer have to be willing, stranded victims. 🙂 ❤

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  2. Yup! They are “me,me,me..me..me!!” They will take credit for EVERYTHING about you. Don’t you know even after they destroy you, they’ll take credit for being there for you! I remember hearing this……”My last ex said I was the best boyfriend she ever had but she had so many issues and had to unfortunately walk away.”

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  3. I believe my parents and sister treated my husband badly due to their jealousy. My husband is half Italian, and my Dad would comment (behind my husband’s back – to me and our children) that the only race he hated were the Italians. He also found my husband’s college diploma in our garage and said “I didn’t know you ever graduated.” We told my parents he had graduated many years prior, but they chose to not believe us I guess. Back when I was speaking to her, my sister used to send us “gifts” for birthdays, Christmas, etc. These “gifts” were insulting…worn out used clothing, used pierced earrings (eww) , used picture frame, used pasta roller, etc. They were usually very sloppily wrapped with wrinkled wrapping paper, or not wrapped at all. They always packed the unspoken message “I don’t care enough to send you anything decent” and put a dark cloud over our special occasion. The really insulting thing was she always made a lame attempt to disguise them as “new” such as: cutting out a picture from a magazine and putting it in the used picture frame to “fool” us into thinking it was new. Or putting the used nasty pierced earrings on a brand-name earring card like they were “new”. It was almost like she delighted in sending something that would insult our intelligence along with hurting our feelings. I think she really thought she was outsmarting us in her pathetic way. At the time I had no idea what a sociopath was, but since then, when her actions progressed into full-blown sociopathic lying and manipulation, it all started to make sense to me. I read in-depth on the subject and came to realize my parents and my sister had been trying to undermine my happiness all along, each for reasons of their own. I believe my dad was jealous of my husband’s looks, intelligence and financial success. I believe my sister was jealous that I had found such a great husband and to this day, 37 yrs later, no one has married her. She pretty much dates old scraps from failed marriages, mostly while they are still married. I believe my Mom wanted to keep my dad on his pedestal as the self-proclaimed “genius”, and my husband kept outshining him in every way. The family dynamic was challenged and so they worked to diminish my husband’s success, and in the process also hurt our children and me. It helps to understand the motives behind the behavior. For many years it was hard to make any sense out of it all.

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    • I think your observations and conclusions about your family are accurate. There is no other way to explain such despicable and ugly behavior. I’m glad you were able to find a little corner of happiness and normal with your husband and children. 🙂

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  4. Obviously this lady who published this has some insecurities. And I’m glad one of us ruined your life at some point that you had to blog this so you feel better again. Feel in control? Feel like a winner? Feel like your taking your life back after your ex ruined it? Your a
    Big independent girl now. This article is priceless.

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    • “And I’m glad one of us ruined your life at some point that you had to blog this so you feel better again.”

      You fancy yourself a sociopath, Casey? Even sociopaths are smart enough not to leave their IP and e-mail address attached to such a comment. I could publish those if you’d like. Then you can blog about how some stupid lady tried to ruin your life.

      And I do feel better. Thank you for pointing out the obvious, genius. 🙂

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  5. Paula, the first year of our ‘soul mate’ marriage facade, the ex now, was so jealous of me! I won a teacher of the year award for my school and the entire night of the county banquet he was so mean and hateful towards everyone! I’ll never forget how cruel, mean, hateful, hurtful, and degrading the sex was that night! Left me crying and he continually said how lucky I was to have him support me…omg… Paula. . they are ‘legends in their own minds’ and I stayed 3 more years…..thank GOD I woke. up! It will be one year next month that we. left. If I had not found your article Paula…it is just nice to know I am not alone! Thanks Paula and all of you on here that have the courage to post! It helps a lot!

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  6. […] Sociopaths Do Not Understand the Nature of Success (paularenee.wordpress.com) […]

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  7. Here’s a new one “No, You’re Lucky I Picked You!”. Yep, I am feeling extremely grateful right now. Great thing about monsters, all of them are the same.

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  8. This is so incredibly true. Sadly, i see this with my stepchildren’s mother. She is constantly making little negative comments to my stepdaugher. It’s like she doesn’t want her to experience success or something.

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    • She doesn’t! All you can do to counter any of her mother’s negative influence is to provide your stepdaughter with genuine praise and constructive criticism when necessary. Kids feel love coming from our words. They recognize love better than any of us. XOXO

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    • Aahhhh…so very true. Children have a very strong innate sense of such things.

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  9. Hi Paula,
    Oddly enough my spath used to compliment me all the time? He was always telling me how smart, great cook,lover I was etc…but, then again he hadn’t finished with me. If it wasn’t for him being caught out by the other woman who alerted me I would still be with him probably? I was still a source of supply even after 10 years & the OW for 3 1/2 years & the others???
    I did complete his Advanced Diploma in Business Management for him without ever attending any classes or lectures so, I know I am smart. He only lectured me on what I should do with regard to pay rises, & support payments from my ex because he thought I need to stand up for myself.
    Which I did & I got the pay rise etc…so, he wasn’t into bagging me….he did everything else textbook so, I guess I got lucky on this?
    Maybe if he had chosen to discard me it would have been a different story?
    He was always telling me I deserved better & that he knew he didn’t treat me the way I deserved & he was right but, I obviously didn’t think I did either!
    Or was that his way of reinforcing that to me in my head???? If I flip it like well you don’t deserve better so, I am not going to treat you better????
    I love your posts they are helping me a lot…..am in a better place, just still processing but, I have had a lot of answers & support which has been amazing.
    I will be letting go completely soon as It bothers me less every day ;0)
    He is slowly fading from my mind like the illusion he was!

    I am grateful for your insights, positive feedback & for sharing.

    PR x

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    • PR, A very good friend and fellow sociopath survivor (hehe!) who I met online over a year ago often reminds me that everything the sociopath does is a manipulation. From praising us to degrading us, they act in order to control our emotions and our actions. Healthy people don’t toy with others. We praise because we are genuinely proud of our loved ones. We praise and ask for nothing in return, because we expect nothing in return. If a friend or loved one behaved badly, we mention it and ask them if they need our support. We don’t degrade them further about their mistake; that’s cruel and rude and destructive.

      Sociopaths, on the other hand, only do and say things for a benefit and for some type of effect. It’s all attention-seeking. Praise gets them sex and hugs and kisses and more praises. And if you never question why they praise you or love you and never question why they are the way they are, there is no need to degrade you.

      Praise is meant to distract us from the truth behind their mask. We bask in the glory of being put on a pedestal and get all glassy-eyed. We fail to ask them the questions we keep asking ourselves over and over again in our mind, “How can you love me so much so quickly? How are you sure I am “The One?” Degrading us works the same way, because it switches our attention away from their faults, and instead, we focus on our faults they ramble on about, ad nauseum.

      I am so glad you didn’t have to be at the receiving end of his degradation. It’s insidious and cruel and hateful and evil, because nothing they say or continue to say about good people is ever 100% true. Yes, we all behave badly on occasion, make poor choices and could be better. But no one deserves to be treated like poo on the bottom of someone’s shoe. XOXO

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    • Thanks Paula, that puts it in perspective ;0) I stopped questioning his motives years ago as he manipulated me futther into submission. He did degrade me in the bedroom, said I was a whore etc…& would bite & slap me so, didnt get off lightly. Treated me like poo at discard :0( Am good though now, thanks to your help & Positiva ;0) Thanku

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  10. omg this is so spot on. My sociopath was so enraged about my promotion.

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    • Jealousy is their driving force, I think. They epitomize true jealousy and envy because they covet what everyone else has. It’s sad, twisted and the ugliest thing I have ever witnessed in my life.

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  11. You always have an important message to share. Thank you 🙂

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