red curtain

You just found out the sociopath has a new girlfriend, a new soul mate. To top it off, he married her!

Your first reaction is to be pissed and angry. I understand where your anger is coming from. But as you work through your emotions, there are a few things you need to keep in mind:

Sociopaths CAN NOT be alone. They must always have someone or something to control. To them, the ultimate is to use people to control other people. He’s using his relationship to control your emotions and to play with your mind. And he is loving every second of your pain.

Do you really care that he is in a new relationship? Do you want to be in a relationship with him? Are you jealous of her?

NO! Of course you answered “no” to all of these.

Your anger is coming from your ego. You are pissed that he duped you. You’re pissed that he fooled everyone into thinking he’s a good guy and you’re a freak. You’re pissed because there is nothing you can do to save or warn his new girlfriend/wife about what is to come (because it will come for her just as it came for you.)

You must remove yourself from his bag of tricks. You must not allow him to be able to manipulate and control your emotions even from a distance. You must learn to be able to remain completely detached. If you allow anything that he says, does or implies with his actions or words to affect you in any way, he is still affecting you and controlling you.

It is not easy to become completely detached as quickly as you want to become completely detached. The only way to get closer to becoming completely detached is to be absolutely certain in your mind that he is what he is: a narcissistic sociopath who lacks the ability to empathize or feel remorse. He has no conscience.

Everything he does and says is for effect and relies upon an audience. Remove yourself from his audience.

For me, I had to stop worrying about warning and trying to save his future girlfriends. I accept the fact that he is still out there reading my blog and calling me crazy to all of his new friends and “followers.” I’m okay with that. I’m okay with him calling my son a spoiled brat, my family enablers, my husband a fat ass and my sisters ugly and fat.

Who the fuck cares what these dark and twisted jackasses think of us and the ones who love us? They have nothing we want. They are no one we would be proud to stand next to. They lack integrity and respect for everyone, including themselves.

Sociopaths are textbook. They are predictable. We need to stop reacting with surprise to their behavior and instead react with a heavy yawn.

They’re predictable and boring characters who only exist if we give them a stage. So drop the curtain on their performance and cancel the show.

Namaste!
~ Paula

Category:
abuse, Cluster B disorders, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, Family, Forgiveness, Health, Lessons, Love, Mental Health, mindfulness, Narcissist, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Narcissistic Sociopath, NPD, Peace, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Psychopaths, PTSD, Rape, Recovery, Relationships, Self Improvement, Sociopaths, Spirituality
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Join the conversation! 31 Comments

  1. OMG THIS IS SO TRUE

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  2. As hard as it is to move on, that is what we must do to get over the worst experience of our lives. I have to face my SP this coming Friday for divorce court. We have only married since Feb, but started dating a year ago in Sept. It was a roller coaster ride from the start. He was still married and didnt get divorced until Jan this year. So this will be his second divorce this year and I hear the new victim is planning a wedding by xmas so it will be his second wedding in a year as well..Great statistics isnt it? I was his 7th wife and she will be his 8th. But she is the ONE..lol..just as I was and probably all the others he had affairs with that I messed up. He also has children with two women he did not marry. He has bankrupted 3 women and yet he was mad that I was not a life partner by taking his last name or by having a joint bank account.

    What is funny is this new gf has quit her job and they havent even dated a whole two months yet and she is riding in his semi with him full time..Just as he had me do. Its like having a front row seat to my own life a year ago…and we know how this story ends. But as he says she is so wonderful in every way, he even texted me a picture of how happy they are together..lol..Believe me, hes downgraded. At one point he told me her car was so nasty and dirty he had to use a brillo pad to clean it, he was digusted by it..but she has a house/shack free and clear and he is in need of a new semi, so I’m sure he will have her sell her house, buy him a semi and then her supply sill be used up and she will be out. Does anyone think any different? They say the same things, act out the same play, the only thing that changes is the leading lady or man.

    I will be so glad to be out of it and yes he owes me money and I will make every effort legally for it to be paid back to me. Friday is the end of a long date that went bad. i knew the minute I found an email to wife 6 on how he loved her and she will never know how much, just two months after we began dating..or how he ran to her house at 10pm to visit their dog…or as she tells it, he cried like a baby and begged her back. He always like to keep his exes on the string,they all want him of course..lol..Well one ex that will never want him or even to see him again is this one..I have had NO contact since Oct 9 and that was when he was suppose to pay me my money and then didnt. The next week he sent me the insurance cards with a note that he would not use them or nor will he…I made no response…the next week he tried to press a restraining order on me, which was unfounded since I had no contact…then the next week he had his gf try to do it..also unfounded since I have never seen or talked to her in any form. So even when you stay away, they are ate up and need the attention and still want the drama.

    Court will be next week and he can be pre-occupied with his new LOVE..lol..I just hope he dont bring her to court..how awkard would that be? I would be embarrassed even to have her know I was involved with him, but I’m sure he will want to flaunt her, and I’m sure she wants to make a statement that she has “my man” as he say..Oh yeah, what a prize she has..heck, I’ll even buy the ribbon to put on his head to give him to her gladly. BTW, sex sucked with him..lol..we were both love bombarded and when it was good it was good, but somehow the lies and deception just make up for the nice dinners and cheap flowers.

    It will be better, be strong, and pray for God to love you when no one else does. He will send you the one you deserve because you definately deserve better than what you had.

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    • Thk you so much!!!! I feel like obsessed and even jealous at times. He so manipulating and deceitful!!!! What a fucken asshole!

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    • OMG! Psychopath at its best with my ex Psycho. He is an emotional predator. The love bombing and flattery is over the damm top! STD’s 3 times!!! I cannot believe I fuken fell for it but Im over it. He has moved on to another source when I was 6 months prego. Devastated n clueless! She thinks she’s so fuken lucky! He is sooo good to her, lol, yeah right!?! for how long SMH lol They try so hard to upset me and hurt me I’m like I dont want him just his childsupport LOSERS!!!! OMG! so pathetic! I’m so fuken tired of the games its sickening! How did I miss the signs! How could I have been so vulnerable and desperate to eat up all the bullshit! Im sooooooo fricken grateful and glad! its over and I see things/him for the TRUTH!!!! It has taken alot of research on PSYCHOPATHY ALOT!!!!! I’m better now, pray to GOD for childsupport and I will not allow my daughter to get devalued and emotionally abused by him. I forgive him I truly do but I refuse to allow my daughter to be damaged by him. I ask GOD for forgiveness and my poor human mistakes but I REJECTING and ABANDONMENT will not be Projected unto my daughter!!!

      He doesnt even acknowledge her he refuses to accept her and I’m okay with that now because its a better deal for me and my sanity. I realize that he was not loved, valued, rejected, and abandoned as a child and I cannot change that/him. I’m responsible for protecting my kids and myself!!! I want my future/life to be better for my kids and self. I dont need a man to love me or value me, I need to value and love myself and kids. It hasnt been easy but its better! Life is about me! and my kids! not about keeping my Ex happy because happiness to him is unattainable. He is hurt and damaged emotionally.

      I refuse to live my life catering to his needs and ignoring/neglecting mines! or my children’s! It’s all about them!!! OMG!!! It has been a nightmare! from start to end! My daughter gives me hope, love, and strength. I love my kids and they are the reason I said Nigga Fuk Dat! I’m the BEAST/QUEEN/PIMP in my life u aint about shit and will never be shit! LOL Sorry just got emotional. I really do wish him the best hope he keeps a Job and pays childsupport but its messed up how he played me but then again I chose him I accepted him back after so many times he cheated on me. I was being weak and stupid but now I’m taking my worth back and I’m not tolerating his bullshit! He lied lied lied!!! I wish them both true long happiness and hope they last forever!

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  3. What a great article! Yes and yes and yes! If only his new target who is SO smug to post message status meant for me on her whatsapp knew that he tried to wurm his way back into my life and bed 3 weeks ago a year after our break-up with her as the one lurking in the background for a whole year before the break-up. So yes,she must be feeling that little doubt creeping up but he obviously makes me look to mad and bad that she just goes with it. What else? If she starts paying attention to these huge red flags,she will have to leave the lunatic who never works,is a parasite on women,prefers long distance relationships so he can screw prostitutes and have one night stands,lies non-stop,does criminal stuff,verbally abuses people and children and is contantly busy with triangulation to make his girlfriends jealous. If she has to face all these FACTS she will be as confused as I am by all the sweet text messages and non-stop promises of eternal love. Untill that one day she discovers his meds for Genital Herpes and speaks to other exes. When the truth dawns on her I will feel some empathy and sorry to say….some delight. And she will read blogs on sociopaths the way I have for three solid years. Thank you……………every article is a step closer to emotional freedom.

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    • For her to do such a thing, she’s already showing signs of being insecure. Passive-aggressive acts like posting a status update for YOU is a huge sign of being insecure. She’s already being slowly crushed beneath him. He has the upper hand. She’ll be worse off than you ever were once he discards her (and he will discard her very soon). And she’ll be distraught and blame you for him dumping her!! He’ll emerge looking like the victim of two jealous women. So twisted. And then he’ll quickly find a new victim to whom he’ll spread his herpes. The two of you you become even MORE insignificant in his life. You’ll be big fat mistakes. But wouldn’t you rather be a big fat mistake in his life than a success? Successful relationships to a sociopath are the ones in which he gains and maintains complete and utter control with zero outside distractions or influences. The victim is rendered defenseless and isolated. Be happy you are seen as a complete and utter failure, a big fat mistake. 🙂

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    • Good for you!!!!! Better late then never! My mother is still married to my dad a psychopath. Unfortunately…

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  4. It such a repeat performance, I personally think, The Monster has expiration dates stamps on these women’s a**’s (Only part of body he would notice). Rude, but true!

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    • Or more appropriately, the sociopath has a timer set to go off (3, 6, 8 months after the relationship begins) to alert him that he can FINALLY stop the Prince Charming charade. I think the real fun begins when they take off that mask for the first time. They’re in their real element with us. But if we had paid better attention, we would have seen that they were like that with everyone else BUT us in the beginning. 🙂

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  5. Awesome post Paula. You are do correct their whole life is a show. I remember ex-narc telling me that from the moment we walk out the front door game face has to be on. Dear God, who wants to live life like that. Yes they need an audience. The ex-narc had told his new girlfriend that his psycho ex (that would be me) was saying bad things about him on the internet so she googled him and found my blog. Soon thereafter she dumped his married butt. Boy does that bring my great joy knowing she dumped him after she read my Love Letters post and saw that he sent her the same exact love letters.

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    • Ivonne, I love that he pointed her to your site. That supports their delusions about what they do and how they affect people. They really are clueless that anything they do is wrong. It also points to their belief that their current partner is also delusional and fogged by love to ever believe he could do such things. Pfft! We see it. We just distrust our own gut and fail to get out fast enough. But with proof like you provided her while she’s in it is priceless!! XOXO

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  6. Something even sadder is when they don’t just change actresses, but they change their stage venue as well. Better for us, but unfortunately it deceives even more people who are innocent, and don’t deserve it. :/

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    • Yeah. It could be a new city, a new place of employment, a new gym, a new church…whatever. These are the ones who are clearly running from themselves and the wake they’ve left behind. What a sad existence. Well, a sociopath wouldn’t see it that way, would he? 😉

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  7. Hell yes Paula!!! What a slap of reality regarding our ego….sooooooooo right because like you said before…we were their “right now” at one time too! In the past couple of days his ex from the time BEFORE my time, she has tried to contact me….interesting! Wonder what she wants to say….HA! And as for all of those nacissistic sociopaths ….”hell “ain’t half full and you don’t need a ticket”…automatic draft!

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    • Hehe! That’s the truth! Maybe the ex before you just needs some validation. It’s not easy to accept what struck us. 🙂

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  8. As disgusting as it is, for some reason I’m laughing at it at the same time, because they are all one in the same. Don’t ever stop Paula this is the best reading material out there on the subject.

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    • Thank you, Misty. How can we NOT find humor in their pathetic behavior? Regardless of how smart and clever they THINK they are, their behavior tells another story: dumb and dumber. Hehe!

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  9. The problem is, I AM still jealous. Sex was great with us, and now he’s with one of my best (ex) friends. They both betrayed me. I expected it of him, but not her. And the fact that they are together right down the street sometimes kills me. I know he has already begun verbally (if not more) abusing her and that he’s trying to pick up other women on Facebook behind her back (we have mutual friends), but still it’s hard.

    I know everything there is to know about sociopaths after 2 years of intense study. He is a textbook case, no doubt. But I still can’t separate my emotions from my intellect.

    Ellen

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    • Ellen, are you sure you’re jealous and not just bitter about the idea that you somehow deserve what you THINK she’s getting? So what if the sex was great. You know you can have great sex with anyone, right? It’s all about what’s inside of you. If you never had great sex before him, imagine how great it could be now when you fall in love with someone who isn’t a bloody sociopath! For now, don’t listen to your emotions or your intellect. What is your gut telling you? That spiritual side of you is the side that you need to listen to closely. You’re so much better than anything that relationship could ever offer you. Sex in a toxic relationship is nothing more than a manipulation and control tactic. When you had sex with him, you were really having it with yourself. There was no HIM present. Just you. You fell in love with yourself but were fooled into thinking you had fallen in love with him!! That may sound hokey, but it’s the truth. 🙂

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  10. Amen! Paula! Its hard to not look at a bad car crash and even when we know we don’t want to see the bodies and mangled autos as we drive by we can’t help but sneak a peak anyway.
    I have learned to not look because I know the images will haunt me. Same as with the Sociopath, we have a morbid curiosity but are much better off if we turn our back and not look.
    Nothing to see here folks…..move along!

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  11. Wow Paula!

    The timing on this post is incredible as this morning I sent you a message via your “contact me” page. I found out this morning from my brother that my Ex remarried. I really wish my Ex would STOP using my brother as a messenger service. If I know my Ex Socio the way I think I do, I would bet he couldn’t wait to tell my brother the news, knowing full well my brother would pass that info on to me.

    Do I care that he’s remarried? No. Do I care that he duped another woman into believing he’s a “good guy”. Nope.

    What I want is for my Ex Pathological Narcissistic to GO THE FUCK AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want him in my rear view mirror, not on the hood. My brother telling me the news of my Ex puts my Ex back in focus. I don’t care anymore. My path is not his path. My life is not his life. My soul is on a journey right now… I have been having the most vivid dreams which feel more like premonitions. There are changes ahead for me. Good changes. The universe gave me a major wake-up call. It told me that the man in my life is an evil person. They gave me the intuition to find the truth. They linked me to you. Coincidence? I don’t think so. I know who he is. He is exposed. He knows I know… If he thinks marrying this woman is a means by which to get back at me, then he has married for the wrong reasons and that marriage, like ours, is built on lies and deception.

    I am going to print this post as it is a keeper!

    XO
    S

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    • Your message to me inspired this post. I emailed it to you and then posted it. I wanted to be certain you saw it. XOXO!

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    • You are AWESOME!

      I needed to see this post. I was so irritated this morning. Irritated with my brother as well as with my Ex for passing on his useless info TO my brother. We are divorced. It is over. We are on different paths and yet it is as if he’s trying to get to me. When I told my friends he is remarried, one nearly choked. They all had the same reaction: “What??? You’ve got to be kidding.”

      Seriously Paula, this man is about as sensitive to the intricacies of marriage as Jack the Ripper.

      What my Ex fails to realize is, every action has an opposite reaction. If his intent is to get back at me, it will only come back to him ten fold.

      Good luck to both of them. They’re going to need it.

      LOVE YOU!
      -S

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  12. Amen and amen!

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  13. Love your points. As soon as I became clear that my husband’s ex- who is narcissistic- was actually predictable my life became much, much easier. B/c have such a low level of development, they are always predictable. They simply do not grow and change.

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