How necessary is forgiveness in your journey to finding peace? Many believe being able to forgive yourself and the sociopath is the ONLY path to real healing and peace. And everyone has their opinion about what true forgiveness means and will try imposing their understanding of forgiveness onto you.
I don’t think that is fair, so I’d like to offer some relief:
There is no definitive solution or recipe to reach the peace true forgiveness brings. The moment you feel the relief in your heart, you will know it instinctively. The peace will wash over you. The grudges or resentments you have will simply be gone.
The flood of peace comes naturally and suddenly, but we must work for peace.
You know what they say about a watched pot never boiling? The same is true for peace and forgiveness. If you keep harboring on why you haven’t found peace and wondering why forgiveness is so elusive, they will NEVER arrive. What you must do is “get busy living or get busy dying.” (I love Shawshank Redemption.) Because relying solely on your wishes and hopes for peace and forgiveness won’t bring them to you. There are real actions that you must take also.
Wishing and hoping are beautiful but solve nothing on their own. If all you do is sit around wishing and hoping for peace, you remove yourself from reality. Removing yourself from reality is what you did in the relationship, wishing and hoping things would change. They never changed, did they?
I’m not saying to stop wishing and hoping. I’m recommending that you add action to those thoughts.
Do things that bring you immediate joy and happiness.
Take long walks. Read a great book. Watch a movie. Plant a garden. Learn to Tango.
Go to a concert. Get tickets to see your favorite sports team live. Sign up for a boot-camp workout. Become a vegetarian. Pickup your instrument again.
Do something you have always wanted to do but were either too afraid or too tired to try. Do something you were always discouraged from doing or shamed for attempting while in the toxic relationship.
Doing something new and for you helps to refocus and redirect your mind. When we refocus and redirect our minds, we’re teaching ourselves to think differently about ourselves and the world around us. We naturally begin to reprogram our mind to think mindfully and more positively. We are in charge and in control. Being in charge and in control of ourselves is a path to peace.
Once I stopped shaming and blaming myself for everything that went wrong in the toxic relationship, I found the strength and energy to step outside of myself and my routine. I created a new routine, a new model of me. A better routine, a better model of me. A healthier routine, a healthier model of me.
Taking control of myself and my routine has resulted in becoming a better person, mother, wife, sister, daughter, and friend. And my routine changes all the time! My routine is routinely changing! The one constant, however, is my peace of mind.
The peace I feel knowing I am not hurting anyone.
The peace I feel knowing I am not hurting myself.
The peace I feel knowing no one is hurting me.
But most importantly, the peace I feel knowing that there is no one trying to convince me that I am hurting myself or anyone else while they hurt me.
That’s the best f*cking peace anyone could ask for and that peace is reachable for us all.