tree hugger

tree hugger“Why do you talk about sociopaths as if they aren’t humans?”

That was a question by a commenter left on a blog I frequent. The first thing that came to mind after reading the comment was:

“Is the commenter a sociopath or is the commenter just one of those do-gooders who likes focusing on the positive in people?”

Regardless, I’d like to answer the question:

I don’t think sociopaths are like non-sociopaths. Therefore, I have a hard time referring to them in terms I use for non-sociopaths.

Certainly, many of us behave badly at times in our lives. I know I have! But unlike sociopaths, we are accountable and identify when we need to make a change so we stop behaving badly.

As far as focusing on the negative, I love people! With the exception of the sociopath. I choose to keep them out of my life so I can neither love nor hate them. I’d like to remain indifferent to their presence on planet earth.

I find most of my outlooks on life need an asterisk that states: *with the exception of sociopaths.

For example:

I always look for the good in people.*

Everyone deserves a second chance and sometimes need even more chances.*

There is good in everyone.*

I will go out of my way to help a person in need.*

I admire intelligent people.*

I enjoy meeting new people.*

You get the idea. I’m a tree-hugger type who won’t embrace that one rotten, stinking limb.

Am I ashamed of that? Nope.

Does it make me look like a hypocrite. Probably.

However, unless a person has lived alongside a sociopath or other pathological type, that person will never understand the distinction and the exception. And that’s okay. Bless them, as my sister-in-law would say. ๐Ÿ™‚

~Paula

(image source:ย http://pinterest.com/pin/64598575875873780/)

Category:
abuse, Cluster B disorders, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, Health, Humor, Lessons, Mental Health, mindfulness, Narcissist, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Narcissistic Sociopath, NPD, Peace, Psychopaths, PTSD, Recovery, Relationships, Self Improvement, Sociopaths, Spirituality
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Join the conversation! 29 Comments

  1. This is a great post – I love the phrases with the asterisks – true, wise, hilarious and utterly serious all at the same time. I agree with you that the same philosophies on how we treat people do NOT apply to sociopaths, or Cluster B’s or whatever you want to call them. But I struggle with some existential thing about why these people exist. Recently I was involved with a man who I believe was a sociopath, and the one quality he did have which I’m trying to learn from was a remarkable self-discipline as an athlete – true warrior nature, I think. And I wonder if that’s part of what this kind of psychology is about, is the warrior gene.
    Anyway, in case you’re interested, I wrote a thing about a working relationship I had with a psychopath some years back – http://followyournose.org/2013/05/17/looking-for-the-moral-in-the-not-so-fabulous-fable/

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  2. […] Women Should Love Each Other. ~ for Elephant Journal* (If you read yesterday’s post, you’ll appreciate my […]

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  3. This post did make me chuckle Paula ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ™‚ lots, and I wondered, am I the tree hugger?? ๐Ÿ™‚ …. but then, can’t be as I do know what they are like, but I don’t feel that way. I don’t know why. I guess, I can separate, I can love the person but not the behaviour, so need to remove myself from the situation.

    Am off to wordpress.org on Monday….. I don’t know if that means that I won’t still be connected to your community, or doesn’t it work like that? II hope this won’t be the case. I love catching up with people when I get the time!!

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    • Oh…. it is a great post, I just don’t agree with it. But enjoyed reading it though and it did make me smile, a lot!! ๐Ÿ™‚ ….. and it did make me think, damn does she mean me?? Cos I tend to do that, I can even have chats with sociopaths who comment. I just find their psychology interesting (from a distance) ๐Ÿ™‚

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    • I don’t think it was you. It was a blog I’ve been following that I don’t think you follow right now. Regardless, I know we don’t agree on this one. I don’t find them fascinating or the least bit interesting because they cause others inevitable harm and then laugh with impunity about it. Don’t you think your attitude towards them borders on treating them inhuman, too, like a specimen? Lab rats are loved and named, too, you know.

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    • Yes!!!! In terms of the behaviour…. I think i probably do. But I tend to separate the behaviour from the person. the psychology of the brain from the person. But that might be,as I find it a lot easier to process as a ‘victim’ if I think that there is something wrong with his brain (which there definitely is – he is hallmark sociopath), than if it was personal towards me. that would make me feel bad. if that makes sense?

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    • As far as moving to WordPress.org, that’s great! I don’t know if you need to re-establish connections or not. I’m sure they have auto-migration of stuff like that. I believe Zoe G. of Behind the Mask of Abuse would know. She did something similar in order to have a message board for increased privacy: http://behindthemaskofabuse.com/

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    • Thank you Paula, do you know you are my treasure trove of information. We might not always agree on socio’s ๐Ÿ™‚ but I like that anyway, differences of information makes me think. Thanks for all of your help. I really do appreciate it lots and lots!! ๐Ÿ™‚ Thank you, will check out the page.

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    • Thank you! Zoe is very helpful, too. Let me know once your new site is live, so I can share the link to your message board. I know several people who would be very interested in contributing and sharing. ๐Ÿ™‚

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    • Aw Paula, do you know how beautiful you are!!! Thank you!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

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    • It’s been a month so you probably already know this. But your wordpress.org account simply gets added onto your wordpress.com account. You still have to use the wordpress.com account for some things; it’s basically the “master account,” same as with any and all wordpress.com blogs you may have.

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  4. Thank you for confirming my thoughts are normal. I love your posts.

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  5. Herein lies the rub… If a person has never experienced a sociopath, they simply cannot truly understand the evil involved.

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    • So true! It’s impossible to explain to one who has not been so afflicted!

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    • I generally only discuss “them” online or with family members who dealt with my situation and understand. It’s rarely an offline topic. People just give you that hairy eyeball, confused look or try to change the subject. Hehe! That’s okay.

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  6. I used to have a friend in New Orleans that used to say ,”Well bless your heart.”
    I eventually asked why she said it, she explained; well bless your heart was a southern lady’s way of saying Fuck you.
    I love it.
    Good post

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  7. Or as I like to put it—I can love you in a spiritual way from the other side of the street. You stay on your street and I stay on mine.

    ๐Ÿ™‚

    ivonne

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    • I like that, Ivonne. ๐Ÿ™‚

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    • same sentiment as ….. stay in your own lane!
      too many people seem to think it’s perfectly ok for them to TELL me how to live my life, like I was just born yesterday, and most of the time those that are telling me this, can’t manage their own lives!

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  8. And no, your not a hypocrite, it’s called “I am deciding if I should let you be my friend, or keep you as a acquaintance”. I know many people, I have few friends, apparently the circle is dwindling.

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  9. Lol – I like the tree hugger, reminds me of my sister,(enabler) is she from Berkeley and is she wearing Birkenstocks, hahah! Recently, I came upon the realization people I thought were my friends, aren’t. I came across 2 quotes I really like. “If your going to be two-faced, at least make one of them pretty” – Marilyn Monroe // “Always forgive your enemies, nothing annoys them more” – Oscar Wilde. There is my week in a nut shell. ๐Ÿ˜Š๐Ÿ˜! And the saga continues……

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  10. It’s definitely possible.

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  11. I have to admit, some people do seem to completely lack a soul. Maybe it is possible.

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