The sociopath will be the death of you

The sociopath will be the death of youLast week on my blog, a commenter disagreed with me. Let’s call that commenter Commenter X.

Commenter X disagreed with me for viewing narcissists/sociopaths/psychopaths as evil and unworthy of our time or attention. Commenter X wants to help these people because they are people after all.

I admire Commenter X. Commenter X has a blog and is highly intelligent and has had two unfortunate relationships with sociopaths/narcissists. (I’ll just call these people pathologicals moving forward. It’s easier.)

And because I admire her work and patience as a blogger and recognize that she is in the early stages of healing, I let her disagreement go. I understand that due to her super trait of having a conscience and being empathic leads her to continue looking upon pathologicals as normal and healthy and capable of long-term change like the rest of us. Only if someone would take the time to listen to them…

But we know that any change made by a pathological person is out of their sheer will to continue their con game one day in the not-so-distant future. We know that they will appear as humble and intelligent and understanding for a while. They’ll even do it with counselors. But they’ll especially do it with their new victim (new love interest) and anyone gullible and kind enough to give them equal footing in life along side us non-pathologicals.

Another blog follower wasn’t so gracious.

The following was a comment left by another blog visitor, let’s call this blog visitor Commenter A.

Commenter A proposes, in a sense, the creation of “Evil Island” with Commenter X as the caretaker. The rest of us non-pathologicals are lumped into the “meanie” bucket because we refuse to have any part in taking care of all those pathological losers while we live in ecstasy, far away from Evil Island…

Commenter X, I’m so glad for you! You are so open-minded and thoughtful of psychopaths! You are just the sort of person we are looking for. Now, since you’re so up for it, we are gonna start protecting the non-psychopaths with education, free genetic testing etc. and we are gonna give them a chance to live in a society free of these people, if that’s their choice.

We are gonna start places for psychopaths as well, and we’d like to hire you.

Now, you will live with only people like yourself (those who think being positive and loving can help or cure psychopaths) and then the psychopaths themselves, and once you agree to this job, you will not be able to go back. You can choose to foster or adopt children who are genetic psychopaths. You will be completely responsible and completely to blame for them, just like the natural parents who unfortunately (unlike you), didn’t have the chance to know it was nothing more than a genetic/chromosomal trait, but you will have the advantage upfront and I’m sure your unconditional love will fix them. I mean science can prove that they will never feel love, empathy, shame, guilt, gratefulness etc. (so you will never get any gratitude for your efforts), but you will be able to show those meanies who have been so abused by psychopaths that if THEY were only as thoughtful as you are, they could have such good results!

Bear with us as we know that YOU know that each psychopath is different and that some are aggressive or sneaky and/or creepy, but I have the utmost confidence in your capabilities. 

Day after day, year after year, with all blaming you, including you in the guilt of the problems of the child, I’m sure that you will not give up and say that there is no help for these people or ever regret your decision to blame the victims and not weep for them instead. Perhaps you would like to have several of these children. Never mind that they all know curse words without ever hearing them, they also seem to have the know-how to molest at a young age even when they’ve never been molested, so you may have your hands full keeping safe from this.

You also know that psychopaths can work together and gang up on a person, and it usually happens to be the one person who can feel emotions such as love etc. So, you could end up being gang-raped emotionally etc. by young children. I’m sure you will find a way to justify it.

But again, you will only be with those like yourself and psychopaths. There will be no others who have been damaged by evil psychopaths and KNOW the torment they inflict and who will then be able to help you heal. Oh no. These mean people will be together, learning to love again, knowing that all they live with know the truth about psychopathy and know that because science REFUSED to admit it was nothing more than another birth effect, denied them the right and choice to get involved with or to get away from psychopaths. They will be glorying in each new day, each new sound and thought, now that they aren’t forced to pretend that all are born as a blank slate. They will have the chance to find out who they were created to be because all will know that each person is born with inherent traits and temperaments and we are not trying to force everyone into the same mold, (which psychopaths have little problem with as they ALWAYS believe they are unique).

The meanie society will know that some psychopaths use whatever the social norms are in order to present the facade of normalcy, all the while violating it in every way. (That, depending on the type of psychopath they are, they may choose to be the most conventional looking people on the outside, but on the inside they are sizing everyone up to see their weak spots and exploit them. Or they may be sexual deviants who love raping in broad daylight.)” 

“We don’t know for sure how these separate societies will turn out in the end, but we can guess that when psychopaths know that those who are around them aren’t fooled by the mask they put on, well, I’m afraid that they may not even bother with social norms. As they always think others are stupid, weak and worthless (ESPECIALLY non-psychopaths), so you may be raped and demeaned or killed right away. We’ll see how it all plays out though.

Oh, don’t forget, the pay is GREAT! (Non-psychopaths who unknowingly, due to science refusing to let them know the truth, are often financially, emotionally and physically destroyed for life).

Again, you will not be able to leave once you’ve made the choice (just like parents who were never given this as a choice when their child was born a psychopath, or a spouse who kept being thrown back into the ring by therapists who never told them their mate could be a psychopath etc.) as these are all the things that were foisted off on those of us who, too late, discovered the truth.

No worries. You sound like someone who, through the sheer force of your convictions, can solve ALL of life’s little problems. (I’m sure this is after years of abuse by a psychopathic mate, child or parent. And with all telling you that you’re part of the problem.)

Does this sound mean? Well, Commenter X, this is EXACTLY WHAT YOU DO WHEN YOU CLAIM TO BE A “BETTER PERSON” because you are so accommodating to psychopaths. Have you been having your boundaries violated since birth? I doubt it as you sound like you have some reserve, like you’ve been perhaps loved or listened to by at least one person in your life. I’m sure because you’re so smart and so educated on psychopathy that you realize that many people raised by psychopaths and alongside psychopathic siblings, have NEVER been loved or helped or believed and guess what (this should come as no surprise to you as you are the expert), that these people are now more susceptible to psychopaths, so they are abused for years.

Now, because psychopathy is genetic and runs in families and oftentimes these are families of religious and don’t allow or encourage birth control, and because these religious people hang out together, they also intermarry or force their children to intermarry and voila! You have families of mostly psychopaths, societies of large amounts of psychopaths, so the few non-psychopaths are taught to feel that it is THEM that are wrong or odd or different. 

I’m SURE Commenter X, that YOU YOURSELF are NOT a psychopath, and since you’re not, you can feel empathy. Well, it’ll come in handy when you’re stuck with mostly psychopaths, as you will need this empathy for yourself.

Tired yet? I’m sure you aren’t, and don’t fret. The psychopaths won’t really CARE if you’re tired nor will they CARE if you gave up your life/ career/ hopes for the future/ meaningful relationships with others who could SHARE your love, YOU will get no rest or recourse. 

You will be told you are lazy no matter that your fingers are bleeding from work. You will be told you are fat, ugly, dumb and worthless even though you may be deathly anorexic, still attractive (just superficially as your soul will be destroyed, oh what the hell, you’ll end up looking like you’re fifty when in actuality, you’re only twenty!), and have several college degrees.

Although you gave up all, you will be considered rubbish in the psychopath’s eyes.

Now, I’m sure none of this is not a problem for you as you really have it on the ball. So, might I suggest that you get a good rest (perhaps a holiday), before you sign your life away? 

You are at least armed with the knowledge and genetics of psychopathy (unlike those of us forced into these relationships due to birth families, children, non-education about psychopathy, and people like you who denied us the ability to learn the truth about them or speak about it afterwards), so you will go in equipped with this knowledge.

I doubt you’ll be able to see my point as people like you really buy your own crap. Os Guinness wrote in one of his books about evil, that it’s usually the philosophers who lose their ideals first, when faced with the truth of evil. (I think he was talking about the Nazi prison camps but you are too smart to learn from the wisdom of others.) 

You sound like the perfect contender for our proposal. So what do you think, Commenter X? 

(See, all your bull**** ideals ONLY WORK if there are people who CAN feel empathy around you, otherwise all your crap is just that, a big pile of BULL****. Good luck though. You’re a treasure!)

~Commenter A

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abuse, Cluster B disorders, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, Forgiveness, Health, Lessons, Mental Health, mindfulness, Narcissist, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, Narcissistic Sociopath, NPD, Peace, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Psychopaths, PTSD, Recovery, Relationships, Self Improvement, Sociopaths, Spirituality
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Join the conversation! 23 Comments

  1. My ex just told me last week,that “I would be the death of HIM” What the f**k? This,coming from a man who is an alcoholic drug addict,tried to commit suicide for attention…..Im the one who should have been trying to off myself?!?!? He made up the most off the wall lies about me days before he tried his suicide,Ive got MS and suffered his ass. How can he tell me that “I WOULD BE THE DEATH OF HIM?”


  2. i think indifference is the best way to deal with it.
    don’t let them convince society that you are good or bad, just be indifferent,
    this way you stop the positive feedback of sociopathy


  3. I am a very kind hearted forgiving person who truly was a victim of a sociopath. I also wanted help for him as my family wanted him dead!! My blinders slowly were removed they are not fixable!!!!! And God says so because there the evil!!!!!!


  4. I totally disagree with commenter a when he / she says ” You will be completely responsible and completely to blame for them, just like the natural parents who unfortunately (unlike you), didn’t have the chance to know it was nothing more than a genetic/chromosomal trait.” Or” just like parents who were never given this as a choice when their child was born a psychopath,”… From everything I’ve read watched and learned not all socios/ psychopaths are born that way… Childhood abuse can be a factor as to when baby’s are born their brain is not fully developed … That comes in the next 3 to 5 years to come. And if there is abuse especially at the hand of a parent it is traumatizing not allowing the frontal lobe … The area of the brain required to feel empathy compassion quilt remorse etc. to develop fully or at all. I also watched a show explaining how drug use could somewhat turn a person into or to have psychopathic tendencies . My daughters father is a psychopath and I have raised her alone.. She’s met him 7 times. She is now 18 months and the sweetest angel there could be ( unless a sibling irritate her ever so often) she loves to cuddle sing blow kisses dance.. I was very concerned about the genetics in this disorder… One day we were playing and she didn’t feel like sharing a book. I put my head in my hands and pretended to cry. She ran over and said mama mama hugging me kissing me and gave me the book. I’ll never forget that day because the first thing I thought was oh my god she cared .. She was upset with me being upset she has feelings shes not a psychopath! I fully believe parenting nurturing and love play a big part… Exp to those born to a bpd, asps narcissist socio etc. that’s my 2 cents thanks!


  5. I think a leopard never changes its spots…they only become lighter to fool their prey! Hugs to you…Paula xxxx


  6. Wow! They’re everywhere!


  7. “Favorite Narcisstic Psychopath Phrases to Express Undying Love”! Pretty catchy – lol at one point – I suggested to my ex to write a book on how to con and exploite women out of $$ and their sanity – since he owes me a large amount. He said he think about it. Lol!! This was back when I was angry. Now I just laugh. You can’t change the person, just yourself and how you view the situation. And yes, he still owes me the $$ – it’s a work in progress. He will pay me, even it’s $5 a month it’s the principal.


  8. I’ve heard that “I would die with out you ” Just out of curiosity, is there a manual for these people? It’s like they have a script? Sorry I know it’s off subject.


    • Hehe! I think we’re creating that manual spontaneously and sporadically through blogs and message board comments. I should try compiling some of the most common ones and post.


  9. Wow!! While some (I do admire those folks) truly live in a world where they believe, they can help everyone. (Enablers, do-gooders, Good Samaritians, whatever). There are some limitations to who and what should be fixed and what a individuals personals boundaries are. I am I to judge who what someone else’s capabilities are? Most certainly not!! But I do know this, I sat there in a marriage counseling office with my ex-husband, knowing I didn’t want to go back to him. And my ex-husband persuaded the therapist to talk me into going back for another 8 months till he dumped me for good. So, the therapist and I have had long conversations to this day about what is wrong with him, and his manipulation of the children. Occasionally I bring up how he bamboozled him! Lol! Not nice, but it’s a example, yes even therapist are human, we all are. And no one is exempt from the game!! Keep your game face on!! 😠


    • You make a great point about personal boundaries. Commenter A simply illustrated it metaphorically. Of course, we can’t put pathological people on an island, but we can keep them outside of our comfort zone at many arms lengths. 🙂


  10. Wow!

    I have two comments.

    One is: If indeed the person who wrote in is in the early stages of understanding narcissism/sociopathy, hitting her like this with a sledge hammer will most certainly discourage her from seeking any help for herself and moving on with her life. This is unfortunate for her and for any of us who might be able to open her eyes so she can see reality.

    Two is: There is so much anger behind this rant. Not that there necessarily shouldn’t be, since a narcissist destroys so much of one’s life…but feeling and allowing anger to fester inside only damages us…and prevents us from moving forward. The narcissist doesn’t care, as we all know, that we are angry…and in fact loves to see us angry…because it makes them feel cared for and powerful…any anger directed against them sticks to them as much as food to a Teflon pan. They don’t get it, they never will, and they are unaffected. Best to discard the anger, use No Contact, and move forward re-building our own self. Calmly. The narcissist doesn’t matter…never did…never will. Trying to make them feel culpable and responsible is wasting one’s time and energy. Exploding over someone else’s perception is equally worthless in my opinion.


    • I don’t look at the rant as one fueled by anger as much as it’s fueled by impatience…impatience with too many of us who also thought we could fix the pathological person from our past. We’ve all been there. We all thought we could be the person for the job because no one could possibly be more caring than us. Remember?

      Commenter X was coming from a good place and so was Commenter A. I believe Commenter A lives in a reality few can understand, whereas Commenter X is still holding out hope that some kind of change can be made because these people can’t possibly enjoy living the way they live. But the reality is that these people don’t care about how they live and they certainly don’t care that Commenter X cares. So, Commenter X is better off putting her positive energies toward a more worthy purpose. I think that’s the point Commenter A was getting at.

      I debated about posting this but it does serve many purposes.


  11. “But we know that any change made by a pathological person is out of their sheer will to continue their con game one day in the not-so-distant future. We know that they will appear as humble and intelligent and understanding for a while. They’ll even do it with counselors. But they’ll especially do it with their new victim (new love interest) and anyone gullible and kind enough to give them equal footing in life along side us non-pathologicals.”

    Thank you for this. As for commenter X, when you have an overdose of empathy, as I have discovered in myself, you take on the traits of co-dependency without even realizing it and you can become unable to walk away when you need to. Not saying this applies to her at all, but this was my experience. I have another friend who experienced the same pathological treatment from the former friend and much longer than I did (8 years versus 2), but because of the way she is wired, she recovered much more quickly than I did. Now, I am always left wondering how she does it – how does she just pick herself up, walk away and speak positively about the whole situation. I figure she is just wired with positivity or she is in total denial and keeps herself so mindboggingly (is that a word?) busy that she can think about it. I, on the other hand, have been stuck in rumination and continually questioning myself if I’m really seeing things clearly and did the right thing walking away… afraid that I have “hurt” the borderline/narcissist and their family by having no contact.

    Interestingly, this pas Sunday I saw former friend crying after church. Since we have no contact, I’ll never know what this is about, but it caused me to question myself again….am I being mean/unchristian ignoring her?….maybe her intentions were not that bad….maybe I’m not being fair. When I read this blog, I realized what has happened is my anger is finally beginning to dissipate (good thing), but I need to watch myself and not give in to any overly empathetic impulses to reach out, apologizing for ignoring…try to reconcile….etc. I can wave, say hello or whatever (don’t have to completely ignore), but that’s it. The crying is most likely due to depression of not having a supply source, not any epiphany or insight into her pathological treatment of others. She is still the same. The behavior is evil. Her husband is so masterful at playing the “humble” “trying to change” spouse/man as well. They inflicted so much emotional damage on my family, but I am the one responsible for letting them because I thought I could “help.” Wrong. They cannot be helped. They don’t want to be helped. They just want to have their way.

    Thank you for this post. And as for commenter A, you obviously have anger management issues.


  12. Not much that can be added to that. It may seem harsh but the truth often is.


  13. My ex-psycho wrote to me that he belongs living on an island somewhere where he cannot harm others. In short, they KNOW they lack empathy but, as stated above, they will turn on the charm as soon as an opportunitiy to victimize another source arises. Just weeks after his admission that he was “sick”, he was trashing me on Facebook for refusing to respond to his emails and phone calls. Thinking about them in “normal” terms NEVER works. Dealing with them unnecessarily only leads to pain. I’m proud to be almost 11 months without contact. I reserve my empathy for people who are deserving.


    • My ex, with tears streaming down his cheeks, told me he’d had an epiphany since he’d been told he had 6 months to live. He voild now see I was the only woman he loved, he admitted to EVERYTHING he ever did wrong and took totally responsibility, and admitted he had some mental disorder that he was a narcissist or Borderline or something and was willing to get counselling in order to change.
      He promised to get off all dating sites and commit to me totally; I was all the woman he would ever need. (mind you he was supposed to he dead in 6 months).
      A few months later he forgets to sign out of his email on my laptop and I discovered he had hidden his POF profile and was still actively looking for and meeting women, was living with another woman in another province (he was a trucker) and communicating with a woman he got engaged to while doing volunteer work in Africa 3 years prior and promising to bring her to Canada.
      And btw that was 4 1/2 years ago and he’s still alive, in fact when he met the new “love of his life” he had a miraculous healing.
      I felt like saying, “I thought we had a deal, I would come back to you as long as you died in 6 months. I lived up to my end of bargain….now its your turn”.


    • No kidding! My ex told me he’d die if I ever left him again. Well, he’s not dead, and it’s been over two years since I walked away. 🙂


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