After about 18 months, I was able to finally let go of the abuses against me, because I understood that the sociopath could not help himself. Causing harm is what feeds the sociopath. Making people doubt their worth and goodness gets them off. I accepted that and realized the sociopath was not a person I would ever want back in my life or my family’s life. I knew I would never receive an apology or anything close to justice. So, I let go.
But letting go of the abuses against my son has been more difficult.
How do you explain to a child that the treatment against the child was not the child’s fault but the fault of a sick and twisted human being?
As parents, we are supposed to teach our children about love and forgiveness. We are supposed to be models for our children.
How was I to expect my son to forgive the sociopath if I did not forgive the sociopath? After all, only people worthy of love and friendship deserve our forgiveness. If a relationship was built on quicksand, there is no foundation for personal forgiveness, in my opinion. And generally, forgiveness means we understand that the person who committed the offense against us will never commit that same offense against us in the future. We trust the person.
With a sociopath, there is no trust, so there is no forgiveness.
But I was able to forgive myself for putting my son in harm’s way, for exposing him to the darkest human type in existence.
I apologized a lot to my son. I talked to my son about trust and expectations of those who love you. I talked to him about shame and blame.
But I also held back from telling my son the truth about the sociopath. Can a 5-, 6- or 7-year-old really understand that kind of evil? Do children have the capacity, without the life expereince, to understand evil among us?
My son knows I wrote a book. He can read and has read the title, but he doesn’t know it’s about “Mommy’s” experience. One day he will read my book and have lots of questions…or maybe he won’t.
Maybe by the time he is able to sit down and read my book cover-to-cover he will have completely forgotten about the sociopath and that the sociopath is the boy in my story.
My son’s forgetting would be the ultimate justice.
(with my son on his 2nd birthday)