We tend to give the sociopath too much credit, don’t you think?
All of the behaviors and traits that help us to identify a narcissistic sociopath are their default behaviors. These are not behaviors he had to learn or improve upon. They are behaviors that are inbred and standard for these fools.
A narcissistic sociopath is no more aware of what he does and how he affects people than a rock is aware of the stream rushing by or the frogs and birds and other creatures that use its surface over time.
I do not believe that the narcissistic sociopath awakens each morning and thinks about the people he will destroy. I do not believe he thinks about people much at all. For that matter, I don’t believe the sociopath thinks. Period.
“Thinking–the talking of the soul with itself.” ~Plato (See! Even Plato would agree these fools have no soul.)
A narcissistic sociopath just is. He is an unchanging, unfeeling, unemotional blob of flesh that happens to resemble a human on the surface. (I’d prefer not to think about what his mangled insides must resemble.)
The non-thinking sociopath doesn’t allow anything to worry him. Why? He has no conscience. It is the conscience that throws the rest of us into states of panick, states of joy, and states of calm acceptance.
How lucky and fortunate we are!
The narcissistic sociopath feels none of these things. (Isn’t that sad? But just don’t pity him, okay? That’s why you were stuck in the mess to begin with, remember?)
Although the narcissistic sociopath feels nothing, he sees everything and focuses on those things that are bright and shiny, which are the very things he wants and covets. More often than not, those bright and shiny things are humans.
We repeatedly read and are reminded that the narcissistic sociopath’s goal is to break people and make them weak and vulnerable, especially in romantic relationships.
However, I don’t think sociopaths are goal-oriented nor aware of anything outside of their egocentric microcosm. If someone directed them to destroy Jane for example, the sociopath would simply walk away from Jane thinking that act would destroy her because the sociopath was no longer in her life. (Absurd!)
So, no, I do not believe a sociopath seeks to break the ones they claim to love so much. Why do you think they act so surprised when we accuse them of hurting us on purpose!??
If we are broken as a result of our relationship with a narcissistic sociopath, we must be prepared to take full responsiblity, suck it up and own 100% of the blame.
The male sociopath is focused on acquisitions. He wants stuff, especially nice stuff. Time and time again, the sociopath will select a “trophy” female, a woman with high-achieving ambitions, with often higher morals and put her on a pedestal. She is his perfect shiny and new thing.
But no one is perfect. And once the trophy starts behaving imperfectly, the sociopath gets pissed (he can’t help himself) and can only focus on the fact his image of the trophy keeps getting shattered because the trophy keeps screwing up. (It’s all your fault, remember?)
The sociopath blasts the trophy for not living up to what he expected and wanted the trophy to look like, act like and stand for. And with each attack, the trophy crumbles and becomes even less perfect and confident, giving the sociopath unending reasons to be angry and blast and attack a little more.
By the time the sociopath discards the trophy, it’s clear to the sociopath that the trophy he once idolized, ruined itself and failed the sociopath. It’s not the sociopath’s fault he had to discard the trophy! It’s the trophy’s fault for having deceived the sociopath into making him think the trophy was perfect and shiny in the first place. (How dare you?!?)
Accepting this is vital for your inner peace, because the sociopath will never consent to agreeing that his behavior was unprovoked. You caused him to behave the way he did. He was just reacting to your bad behavior.
What does your bad behavior boil down to?
For starters, you stomped on the sociopath’s fantasy, a fantasy you didn’t even know existed; You ruined his fairy tale, a fairy tale you didn’t realize he wrote; and most of all, you squashed his delusions, delusions of the perfect you he expected and wanted you to be. (You sinner!)
But honestly, how were you supposed to know he was a 6-year-old trapped in a man’s body?
Give yourself a break and accept the sociopath for what he is. He couldn’t help himself. His nature is to destroy people, and he doesn’t even know it. He deserves no forgiveness (he did nothing wrong in his eyes) and no more of your time.