We know from experience that narcissistic sociopaths feel most powerful when they are in control of us.
And many of us think the solution to beating them is to try controlling them in return.
But we can’t beat them by using the same control tactics they use. Why? Because as good people with the ability to empathize, our consciences will not allow us to follow through with our attempts at control.
When we try to fight them by controlling them in any way, we crack due to the anxiety we experience trying to be evil and controlling.
It’s not in us to be controlling assholes. It just isn’t!
When we seek to treat the sociopaths as they treat us, we’re acting outside of our spiritual core. Acting outside of our spiritual core only hurts us, not the sociopaths.
Trying to be abusive and controlling is why some of us crack and feel crazy. We feel crazy because we aren’t acting as our conscience dictates. When we feel crazy, others perceive our actions as crazy, too.
The sociopath can pretend and act like the rest of us with great success and believability because they lack a spiritual core. When there is no spiritual core to harm and confuse, the sociopath is a prime example of an empty existence unaffected by anything from the outside and especially from the inside.
Healthy, non-pathological folks can’t act or pretend to be heartless and revengeful. Our consciences just won’t allow it. (Feel good about that quality within you even if it seems to put you at a disadvantage when dealing with the sociopath.)
So how do we defeat the narcissistic sociopath?
It’s simple. We let them THINK they have won. We let them THINK they are still in control even after the relationship ends.
Offer the sociopath half the car or half the house in the divorce settlement. Don’t fight for it all no matter how much you know or think you deserve it. Act reasonable and fair. Not revengeful and vindictive. The courts will see you as reasonable and fair, too, not crazy.
Consider opening your marital home to renters. When it comes time to equally divide assets, the sociopath won’t be interested in being bothered with the process. There is work involved in divisions. There is also the annoying responsibility of collecting rent, making repairs, finding tenants and making mortgage payments. They hate making payments. They may end up leaving you with the mortgage because a mortgage is a burden to them and they wish to burden you. But they fail to realize you want them to sign a quit claim deed so you can turn around in a few months and sell the place for a profit.
Don’t ask for full legal and physical custody of your children, either, no matter how much you fear the sociopath’s influence. Ask for a 50/50 split. Again, appear reasonable and fair.
The sociopath will never be able to maintain a 50/50 split due to the time and responsibility associated with making more exchanges on a more frequent basis. They want full custody only because they know it will be most convenient for them, not because it will be better or more stable for the children. A 50/50 agreement will most likely result in them relinquishing time spent with their kids. They’ll think you will be burdened by having more time with your kids because it’s a burden to them. They may even think having your kids more will interfere with your ability to date. (As if dating is the first thing you want to do after being involved with a sociopath!!)
Sociopaths hate responsibility. So, the more they perceive you as being burdened with responsibilities, the more victorious they feel.
They are the winningest losers on the planet!
By giving them what they think they want, we appease them. By convincing them their choices burden us, we appease their need to control us. We did it inside the relationship; we can do it outside the relationship, too.
I know these scenarios won’t work for every situation but it gives you an idea of how you can rethink your situation and your need to fight in hopes of taking it all from them in the beginning of the end of the relationship/marriage.
The sociopath eventually loses everything thinking it was 100% his idea and choice. Some call it karma. I call it purpose-driven patience on our part which requires zero compromise of our core values. It just requires a lot of sacrifices for a bit longer than we’d hoped.
(Image source: Divorced Women Online)