Lazy Loser Brains Paula Carrasquillo

Somewhere along the path of development, a narcissistic sociopath‘s brain ceases to grow. Instead of the circuitry inside his brain getting excited about learning something new and solving a problem in a new and different way, the circuitry opts out.

“Abort! Abort! This one is too tough to solve. Just keep doing what we always do: cry, pout, blame and run away. It works so well.”

And the sociopath’s brain keeps doing this — sending the same message. As a result, the sociopath continues to cry, pout, blame and run away regardless of age. This childish behavior is one of the reasons why so many victims initially blame his inability to communicate effectively and come to collaborative resolutions on, what they deduce and assume to be, the sociopath’s lack of life experiences. Victims assume the sociopath is so rigid in his thinking because he has never been in a situation where he has had to consider another person or a group of people. And because we are empathetic, we set aside our frustrations, and instead, we feel pity for these people who seem to have been living in a protective bubble their entire lives.

(Strike one against us and our so-called advanced cognitive thinking skills!)

After all, the rest of us (who are not pathological) experience the growing pains of our teenage years with complete immersion and energy and gusto. Our brains work overtime. We cry and battle ourselves and other teenagers and our parents. But we learn valuable lessons about respect and empathy and how to treat others as we wish to be treated. As teenagers, we experience a level of cognitive development that is so high and constant that it sometimes makes us feel like we’re losing our minds. And in a way we are. We are losing the primitive thinking patterns that guided us as infants, toddlers and children. Our brain’s cognitive development during our teenage years is life-changing. It’s a rite of passage. Once reached we are thrust head-first into adulthood and feeling empowered with the necessary brain power and thinking skills to help us take on all of the responsibilities associated with being productive, loving and kind.

The sociopath does not attain a rite of passage like the rest of us. He cheats his way into adulthood, because the sociopath spends his teenage years regressing mentally and emotionally. All problems are solved by rebelling but never facing the consequences of those rebellions. Someone is always there bailing him out and telling him it was someone else’s fault and not to worry. This “bailout” sends the message to the sociopath’s brain that says, “You don’t have to change, man. Look how easy it is to keep being an infant and toddler and manipulating everyone around you so you can have your own way in the end? Why learn how to think beyond your primitive brain? Why bother? Why be accountable? Relax. Sit back. Enjoy the ride.”

And that message keeps getting sent, which results in the sociopath’s increased feelings of entitlement and lazy, lazy thinking.

Entitlement and lazy thinking leads to lazy work ethic (or no work ethic). Many sociopaths who do not have degrees or who barely graduated high school will tell you that their life experiences make up for their lack of education. They will even go as far as putting down those with degrees and declaring them as being sheep easily manipulated and trained.

When and if you hear this, think “splitting.” This is a great example of their black and white thinking. All good and all bad. I’ve met some lazy thinkers with degrees, but also some of the most intelligent people I have met in this world do not have a college education. They are also not sociopaths. To me, if you’re going to claim your life experiences make up for any formal education you could have pursued, show me. Talk to me. Tell me what you’re passionate about and why. Sociopath’s can’t show you beyond the passion and lust they have for material possessions, and that’s just sad to me.

With his perpetual lazy thinking and entitlement, the sociopath continues living in his protective bubble of ignorance and inability to discover any real passion other than a passion for conning and abusing people and situations.

And if you start questioning the sociopath’s con, his brain will send that same and comforting message to him:

“Abort! Abort! This one is too tough to manipulate. Just keep doing what you’ve always done: cry, pout, blame and run away.”

When and if your relationship with a sociopath ends, remember that they can’t help themselves and they will never change. It’s impossible to reprogram something with defective parts no matter how much cognitive-behavioral therapy you thrust upon the sociopath. You might THINK the glitch has been fixed, but the machine has a memory, and the glitch is too comfortable and too familiar to be considered a true glitch to the machine. The machine misses the glitch and will inevitably seek out that place of comfort, like a baby seeking a nipple.

The abuse and con games never end.

Unless the sociopath has committed a prosecutable offense against you or a loved one, let the sociopath go in peace so you can find your peace. It’s better this way.


abuse, Cluster B disorders, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, Family, Health, Love, Mental Health, mindfulness, Narcissist, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, NPD, Peace, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Psychopaths, PTSD, Recovery, Relationships, Self Improvement, Sociopaths, Spirituality
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Join the conversation! 26 Comments

  1. Three years of therapy with a well renowned counselor could not/did not work for my parents.

    I left them (finally), moved to another state, traveled through North America, married and bought a house two towns away from them. When I was home sick (they knew about it) they stopped by…but not to be ‘nice’ or helpful. In fact, they ridiculed me and treated me like a ‘dog’s toy’ psychologically.

    I was used to their abuse, but that was just lower than low. I was very sick and did not want to see anybody, but they exploited that occasion to invade my home and try to make me feel small.

    Oh…and according to my father, if an animal is ‘dumb’ then it does not require protection from torture (such as bull fighting). I was ashamed of my father when after I cried out in protest while he watched a bull fight he had said, ‘A bull is a dumb animal’. Hello? Any dumb animal (and they are NOT dumb) should be subject to pain and abuse?

    People are still making this lame excuse. Oh…someone somewhere decided elephants are ‘social and intelligent’ so let’s free them from the Ringling Brothers’ circus shows. But if a bull (or other ‘dumb’ animal is in the circus then DON’T save it…after all…it is ‘dumb’).

    Liked by 1 person

  2. needs one to know one 🙂


  3. […] him every other fucking time he tried to push our relationship from friendship to dating. He has a lazy brain and he’s the epitome of why actions are judged louder than words. He insisted multiple times […]


  4. I like this post. They have nothing going for them! Absolutely no substance.
    I remember my lawyer & I watching my 40 year old just last month throwing his usual toddler temper tantrum in his tie and suit. He hired a lawyer that is exactly like him. Go figure. So there were 2 toddlers in front of us.


  5. […] mother for his lack of formal education. Somehow it was her fault that he never motivated his own lazy brain to find a passion and interest and learn about […]


  6. I gulped when I read the part of the NS saying that his life experience makes up for his lack of education. I think I was told that EXACT statement.
    Today, I called his bluff on a lie. He wanted money (a recurring theme), I asked about the purpose. He told me an elaborate lie about a traffic ticket. I offered to drive to the courthouse and pay it directly, as opposed to handing over cash. He said, “Thanks anyway” and that was the end of the calls and badgering that had gone on for over 3 hours.


  7. […] and I came across a post from the end of March by Paula’s Pontifications.  It is titled Lazy Brain and the Narcissistic Sociopath.  I vaguely remember seeing it when she published it, but I wasn’t up for more reading on […]


  8. Reblogged this on Reclaiming the Sippel-Herr Family Honor and commented:
    sounds like Joan Wheeler to me!


  9. Here here!! Life is too short for such crap! No one deserves to be treated like crap! hugs Paula xxx


  10. I think what you’re describing is a narcissist. I know there’s much debate about it, but 2 years of learning everything I can about the Cluster Bs, including following the latest psychological research, is that there is much more of a genetic component to sociopathy/psychopathy.

    Narcissists (or what I think of as those on the low end of the no-conscience “spectrum”) are entitled, pathetic emotional children. They don’t CARE if they hurt others. Sociopaths on the other hand ENJOY hurting others (most just emotionally–not talking about the sociopathic serial killers here); in fact, they go out of their way to do so, often hurting themselves in the process (but not caring). They are social predators.

    I’ve been in a relationship with one of each (and some normal relationships too)–their behavior is almost identical (rages, verbal abuse, etc.), but there are things that differentiate them if you know what you’re looking for. My sociopath went out of his way to SET UP scenarios to hurt me (and as many other women as possible at the same time–triangulation). When it worked, he could barely hide his glee (but it took me years to know him enough to recognize it as such–most people didn’t). He did the same in his prior relationships and, from what I’ve heard, is doing the same in his current one as well.

    When one of the women he strung along behind my back killed herself because of him (which is when I finally left him for good), he went around town afterwards trying to show everyone the suicide text she sent him. When he tried to show it to me, he was saying how sad he felt for her but his face was gloating. Maybe it was the ultimate narcissistic “supply” for him, but I think he was proud of what he’d done.

    That’s not emotional retardation or “mere” narcissism, it’s sociopathy.


    • Oh, yes, Abbri. The triangulation and “going out of their way” to hurt people is another charactersistic. I witnessed my ex’s tactic of doing this to others before leaving him. I’m sure he tried doing it with me, too, but I chose not to be bothered by what he did after I left. I needed to focus on understanding what happened while I was in it and how to recover from it. I’m sorry you had to deal with more than one person like this in your life. Any degree of pathology in someone is harmful to others. No one around here is worried about splitting hairs when labeling these losers. Our biggest concern is ourselves and our path to peace. 🙂


  11. Dear Paula, I know how the discard works lived through it twice with the same person and yet I always questioned why he never chose me to marry but the others. I know crazy thinking up until I read your words, ““Abort! Abort! This one is too tough to manipulate. Just keep doing what you’ve always done: cry, pout, blame and run away.”—The light bulb really just went off in a way that I could connect to it emotionally. Thank you—



    • I’m so glad, Ivonne, because you are an amazing woman, person and blogger. XOXO


    • Me too! Cry, pout, blame, run away. Thank you Paula. You have encapsulated everything that was tying my brain in knots. There was a little feeling at the back of my mind that perhaps he was taunting and playing me but he often said I had a bad mind, so I went back to thinking he was just a poor little thing who needed more love. Coincidentally, I kind of always saw him as a three to four year old.


  12. WOW!! This all makes so much more sense to me now!! He kept telling me that his 24 yr old son has the mental capacity of a 15 yr old….that when he divorced his sons mom..when the boy was 17…it caused the boys thinking to slow down…so he in effect reverted back to the mind set of a 15 yr old. Okay…now maybe that can and does happen…IDK…but I have spoken with the young man..and have seen his Fb page and he seems normal for a person of 24. Now…however..I am thinking this was another lie and the ex N was projecting his mental age to his son!! Cause I swear..sometimes thru all of this…it felt like I was talking to my 15 yr old boyfriend from high school….he never did grow up…peter pan is alive and well…..Thank you for a great eye opener!


    • Hehe! That’s what it felt like for many of us. I was often left shaking my head and wondering if I really experienced what I experienced or heard what I just heard coming from my sociopathic ex. Thank you, Faye, for adding your insight. XOXO


  13. Amen and amen!


  14. I agree with Susan. What you write makes it so clear! I keep making the mistake of thinking that if somehow, I just say the right thing, it will then all make sense to him. But it won’t. I remind myself it’s like expecting a 2 year-old to comprehend higher math. Just not possible. You’re right – they learn the techniques about high-school age and they manipulate to get others to take care of them. Long before I understood any better, I paid his college bill. Given that I had already paid mine, it should have been a serious clue to me that he wasn’t interested in looking after himself. I so totally fit the bill of having someone look after him, so why wouldn’t he fall in love with me. Anytime I try to get him to grow up, he comes after me with emotional abuse. He won’t grow up. Period. I have grown daughters more mature than he is. Thank you so much for your writing.


    • But the frustrating thing is that they project a mature facade. That’s the part that is confusing and makes us think they can handle situations and themselves better. But like the Loony Tunes character Bugs Bunny would say, “It’s a mirage! It’s a mirage!” Hehe!


  15. Funny that you write this now. I was thinking of my husband’s ex-wife the other day. How she has fewer and fewer options and wiggle room in life, as her distortions and victimization mode have caught up with her. You can only stay a child so long, before life demands more of you.


    • It is so, so true. It really gets harder for them as they get older unless they decide to suddenly become drifters. Maybe she will and all of your problems will be solved just by her exiting her life to begin again somewhere else. Who knows!!


  16. Dear Paula, I’ve read loads of material about Sociopaths since Christmas after being with one for 19 and a half years, and I have to say that your words are the clearest I have taken in. I’m so glad your there to help us and make it all clearer. X


    • Thank you, Susan! I’m glad my words are clear. Lots of other bloggers out there also write with more clarity than those trained to research and write about this subject. We experienced it first hand and know the reality and how it really feels to be on the receiving end. I think many of the books on the subject are missing that element. 🙂


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