robert palmer - i didn't mean to turn you on

Thanks, Robert Palmer, and your entire “Addicted to Love” album. It was cool when I was a teenager, but it takes on new meaning now.

I am so tired of hearing and reading “I didn’t mean to…” Abusers love these words because even though they ragefully and with great purpose commit X, Y, and Z repeatedly, they never count on the victim finally reacting and protesting as the victim reacts and protests.

So, there is actually something missing in their statement:

“I didn’t mean to do X, Y, and Z if it meant you were going to leave me or accuse me of hurting you, really,” pleads the abuser.

Notice that the abuser never says he’s sorry for hurting you. He’s just sorry that you’re choosing to leave him or accuse him of abuse. He wishes he had done it first.

Another great example of the abuser’s twisted cognitive thinking skills. They lie by omission, in a sense. (Or do they just lie to themselves and then speak their truth? Who fucking knows.) It’s how they create their own warped reality. Are you as sick of this shit as I am?

To the abuser, I say:

“I didn’t mean to turn you on so you felt entitled to being an evil bastard toward me whenever you didn’t get your own way. I didn’t mean to turn you on, really, I didn’t.” Hehe!


abuse, Addiction, Cluster B disorders, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, Family, Health, Journaling, Lessons, Love, Mental Health, Narcissist, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, NPD, Poetry, Psychopaths, PTSD, Relationships, Sociopaths, Spirituality
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Join the conversation! 12 Comments

  1. These are the worst four words ever. They are such lies! Of course they meant to. But then if you call them out of it, then they didn’t mean to say they didn’t mean to. Abusers can talk in circles like a dog chasing his tail.


  2. I really like the final bit about lies- either by omission or simply the lies they tell themselves. You are right, who knows which it is and who really cares. you simply can’t exist in the same “reality” as narcissists and other sociopaths.


  3. they didn’t mean for us to be smart enough to clue in…lol


  4. Hi Paula, did you hear the latest that Pistorious has “anger issues”.
    No really?! What a shock. He only pumped four rounds of lead into his girlfriend! Oh wait, he thought she was an intruder. Is anyone buying his story?!


    • No one who understands abusers is buying it. How can people be so naive, especially in a country where a woman is abused by her intimate partner every 8 minutes? The story saddens me and I read something today that the mother of one of his ex-girlfriends knew of his “dark side.”


    • Wow! I hadn’t heard that — looks like his dark secrets are rising to the surface. I hope the lock him up for the rest of his life, death is too good for him.


  5. I thought so… Yes, I am so angry I could scream. The judge says, “He’s so well known, he’ll get no where trying to escape.” Just watch him. I couldn’t get bail with an OUI!! In the end, it was good for me, but… Oh, yeah, and pretend like you do not know my name…LOL! I an just kidding!


    • Oops! I apologize. 🙂

      And the magistrate also noted his excellent affidavit. Really? Anyone trying to get out of being punished for a crime is going to write a favorable account for himself. Pistorius basically showed a passion for convincing the courts he was not a flight risk. Pfft! It’s a theatrical event. This was murder! He didn’t convince anyone he isn’t guilty, In my opinion. Even if it were an accident (which I do not believe), he is still sick and trigger happy and all his weapons should be taken from him. So frustrating. He killed a woman. A person. All because HE was terrified. Whatever.


  6. Okay, to begin, I was newly 22 years old when MTV was invented, and Robert Palmer’s Addicted to Love remains the single hottest video ever made. 😉 Now, onto the hard stuff. Are we talking, “I didn’t mean to shoot my most beloved through a closed and locked bathroom door! I thought a very private intruder with a shy bladder really needed to use the bathroom, and then steal stuff, or harm us, so he chose our private bathroom to take a nervous doodoo, door locked, before he came out and ambushed us. Really.” Yeah, he’s out on bail. I am angry, too.


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