Thanks, Robert Palmer, and your entire “Addicted to Love” album. It was cool when I was a teenager, but it takes on new meaning now.
I am so tired of hearing and reading “I didn’t mean to…” Abusers love these words because even though they ragefully and with great purpose commit X, Y, and Z repeatedly, they never count on the victim finally reacting and protesting as the victim reacts and protests.
So, there is actually something missing in their statement:
“I didn’t mean to do X, Y, and Z if it meant you were going to leave me or accuse me of hurting you, really,” pleads the abuser.
Notice that the abuser never says he’s sorry for hurting you. He’s just sorry that you’re choosing to leave him or accuse him of abuse. He wishes he had done it first.
Another great example of the abuser’s twisted cognitive thinking skills. They lie by omission, in a sense. (Or do they just lie to themselves and then speak their truth? Who fucking knows.) It’s how they create their own warped reality. Are you as sick of this shit as I am?
To the abuser, I say:
“I didn’t mean to turn you on so you felt entitled to being an evil bastard toward me whenever you didn’t get your own way. I didn’t mean to turn you on, really, I didn’t.” Hehe!