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If you are or have ever been in a relationship with a narcissistic sociopath (or any number of pathologically disordered characters, for that matter), you’ve been stonewalled. Being stonewalled is disturbing and frustrating, to say the least.

The following seven (7) characteristics of “Stonewalling” were taken from the blog, Psychopath Resistance.

1. Refusal to negotiate a conflict in good faith.

2. Refusal to discuss honestly one’s motivations.

3. Refusal to listen to another point of view with openness.

4. Refusal to compromise.

5. Refusal to collaborate.

6. Refusal to support the other person’s plans.

7. Refusal to accept influence.

Stonewalling tactics guarantee narcissistic supply.

After prolonged periods of being stonewalled, we are forced to do whatever it takes to get an answer and to resolve the issues. We drop to our knees begging and pleading for answers.

They count on us to offer up an apology and to admit to our inadequacies. And we always deliver, because that’s what honest people do.

In good faith, we make our final and last-ditch effort in hopes of resolving the situation. We say something like this:

“I am sorry and understand your frustration, because I should not have said or done X, Y, and Z. Please forgive me. Please talk to me. We need to work this out.”

But this just opens ourselves to more pain and gives the narcissist more fodder to keep blaming us. It’s a twisted and sick game. And makes life so damn complicated.

These fools never change. Your relationship never gets better. It only gets worse. Life should be simple. Love should be simple.

Namaste! ~Paula

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Join the conversation! 21 Comments

  1. Reblogged this on mystraightjourney.

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  2. Reblogged this on purelysimplewords and commented:
    knowledge is power.

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  3. http://www.paawareness.org

    parental alienation syndrome is child abuse. It does harm to the affected parent and the children unless they name it and heal from it.

    Children need both parents.

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  4. Soo frustrating! Whenever I defended myself, my narcissist would ask why I was yelling. If I explained that I wasn’t yelling at him, but that I was upset and sad, he would walk away. If I tried to stop him by grabbing his arm it was an excuse for him to say “let go of me!” and make out like I was the desperate wrong-doer and may have hurt him.
    Anyone who truly likes/loves you will stick around to resolve the tension, even if it means arguing. There may be an appropriate time to walk away (if it’s getting too heated) but then you must return to one another, with a willingness to hear the other person out.
    This narcissist cried and manipulated me into getting back with him, after I’d apologised the first time. In fact, he used the apology as a way of saying that he didn’t realise we were still friends only, and that it left him feeling uncertain.
    The second time he stormed off while I was defending myself, I refused to apologise. He has since completely cut me off; mere weeks after telling me he hadn’t felt this way about someone in years.
    Right before this argument, I had tried stonewalling him a bit by playing it cool and he had attacked me, saying that I never bothered to call him (he had not once called me, and I’d called him weekly), and that I wasn’t committing enough; even though he had told me he was moving overseas (a lie).
    He’s since found a new victim, I heard from a mutual friend. I asked that mutual friend to stop telling me about this dickhead.

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    • I hope your friend respects your request. It’s not like we’re jealous of the new victim, but we’re incredibly confused that someone who claims we were the love of their life can set those emotions aside so quickly and move on to their next “soul mate.” But the sooner we realize the over-the-top superlatives were empty and meant to entice us to open the trust door, the sooner we’ll be able to laugh at the absurdity of their desperate behavior. Because that’s what it is…desperation. They can’t stand to be alone. Someone needs to be around to control in order to fulfill their only purpose in life: destruction.

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  5. The worse thing is once they feel they loose control over you! They start all over again the cycle of abuse!

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  6. Had to get an attorney to try to buy family home. Having a Narcisisstic Sociopath as Executor has been a nightmare…the control that comes with it is unbelievable! Until they are diagnosed, nothing you can do other than legal.

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    • Also having the same control issues with POA Executor for my parent’s estate. He is supposed to be giving the “interested parties” a detailed account of everything, but has only attached the last 2 months bank statements, when *I* was brave enough to ask for them from day one almost a year ago. If I say anything I am pounded down as greedy and wth is it with them implying I “feel entitled” to something of my Mothers as her only daughter?? Projection I’m sure because my Power Abusive brother and his wife and my other SIL pawed through my mom’s things and took her good clothing and jewelry before I even saw it. Should I file a complaint so something is documented? I’m out of state from where it’s all taking place. They are SICK sick sick.

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  7. It is so nuts!! I even Googled it, discovered it was called Stonewalling, and sent him the link, thinking that if he read what he was doing and how much he was hurting me, he would stop!!!! CRAZY!!!

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    • They are kings and queens of denial, especially when face-to-face with the truth. It IS crazy!

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    • dkat

      i just did exactly the same thing! as i was reading i was getting
      ready to email it to him and then just as i started questioning
      myself as whether is should, i read the correct answer to
      the question. dont send it, it will do no good. there would
      just be one of the hundreds of denials of truth and reality.

      so great to find support here in this blog. diana k.

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  8. Totally agree, love should be simple!! Happy Valentines Day….Hugs Paula xxx

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  9. Donkey, to the T. Good gracious. Seeing these tactics spelled out, I can see them now in every discussion with him. Every single one.

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  10. I’m so glad he’s behind me.

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  11. This post describes my family of origin to a T.

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  12. Comment fail. Buffering issues. ISSUES!!! Sorry everyone. The second version is better. JUST LIKE ME!! 😉

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  13. After years of “co-parenting” with this hogwash, I’ve started giving it right back to him. Saying stuff that makes zero sense, bold-faced lying, spinning yarns. Also, I never answer his emails or calls. Ever. I just say random stuff and act like I never even heard what he said. Just like he’s always done to me. It’s fun and empowering, because the judge thinks it’s all “he said she said” anyway. Plus, his brain is so damaged that he can’t process any truth. With this, I don’t get upset and it throws him off just enough that I get a break from him once in a while! It may eventually get me killed, but when your number’s up, your number is up. I refuse to be afraid of that fool. Can’t live in fear! OWN YOUR POWER, LADIES!!!!

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    • Very creative approach, Over It. You are very brave. And you’re right, why SHOULD we live in fear? I don’t publish the boy’s actual name because he’d cry and run to his lawyer, and even though he couldn’t do much in the end, it’s not worth the hassle. Maybe one day. Why not force him to waste more of his money to cover up more of his lies? Knowing he’s already had to do that brings me lots of pleasure. Losers! Hehe!

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  14. Sometimes I feel like the little train trying to chug along in the world of a narcissist (my husband’s ex-). Recently, as her behavior surrounding child support has become more crazy, belittling, stonewalling, and bordering on harassment, I have felt the tide almost turn in my husband and I to give in, to placate. Your words show me otherwise. Thanks for your support.

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  15. Mine would do this, just to keep me off balance. There was no “disagreement” or any other refusal. He just did it. No reason, and no explanation. Just hours before, he expressed excitement about our spending time together. When I would get to his house, I was met with silence. He didn’t even acknowledge my presence, except to tell me “come in”. He would be like a statue, staring straight ahead. There would literally be nothing. No movement, nothing. Not pleasant.

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