20130117-172114.jpgNarcissistic sociopaths lack empathy and remorse for the negative consequences of their actions. Scratch that. They lack empathy and remorse, period. And they are unable to see their actions as innately negative. The sociopath in your life will tell you that you chose to be upset. You chose to react negatively. You chose to cry. You chose to get depressed. The sociopath will tell you that he’s just being honest and you can’t handle the truth. You can’t face reality. You can’t set aside your emotions and accept the shit sandwich he has served you.

Fine. I accept that. I am accountable for my own emotions. I should not have eaten the shit sandwich in the first place. I should have tossed it in the trash at first sight, first smell. Therefore, I choose NOT to be manipulated into a life of lies, guilt, and shame that go along with cohabitating or working with a sociopath. I choose NOT to deal with these types. In so choosing, I eliminate the negative energy their refusal to be accountable wreaks on those in close proximity. Because if they aren’t accountable, the people left in their lives to pick up the pieces are ultimately accountable and to blame for the sociopaths bad behavior. It’s a tricky little game sociopaths play. Psychology calls it projection and transference. I call it being a loser.

“Losers lose things,” proclaimed a very good friend and blog follower a few months ago. I have never forgotten this due to its simplicity and truth. People left behind to pick up the pieces eventually get tired of the game and walk away, and the Sociopath ultimately loses EVERYTHING!

Sociopaths are the BIGGEST LOSERS:

They lose friends.
They lose family.
They lose trust.
They lose respect.
They lose.

But to a sociopath, when all is lost, they view their life as a clean slate. This approach to life and loss seems positive and very Zen at first glance, doesn’t it? We encourage loved ones to put the past behind them, to look on the bright side, and to move forward. We encourage friends not to worry too much about things. But a sociopath misses the most vital step in wiping their slate clean: they never practice introspection.

Failing to take this step leads sociopaths to make the same mistakes over and over and over again. They lose, lose, and lose again. They never truly let go, move forward, and begin again, because sociopaths lack the ability to look within. Looking within shines light upon a darkness the sociopath has spent a lifetime burying. If they looked within… (I can’t finish that thought because it would be a vain attempt at fantasy.)

Therefore, without the exercise of looking within, the clean slate comes fast and easy to the sociopath. REALLY easy. With a clean slate, they can begin again with a new family, new friends, new trust, and new respect. The cycle is never-ending. They always lose.

If you’re a sociopath reading this post, pace yourself. One day you will die. If you time your last cycle right, when you take your last breath, you will be surrounded by the tears of the last group of “emotionally inadequate” family and friends you fooled into thinking you were human. But crying over you is a good emotion, right, Sociopath? Crying for you is different because you are the center of the universe. I got it. I also get that you created that rule, and you aren’t being hypocritical. I get it. We all get it.

Losers.

Category:
abuse, Cluster B disorders, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, Family, Forgiveness, Friends, Health, Journaling, Lessons, Mental Health, Narcissist, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, NPD, Peace, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Psychopaths, PTSD, Relationships, Self Improvement, Sociopaths, Spirituality, Uncategorized, Writing
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Join the conversation! 29 Comments

  1. […] For starters, he needs validation. Abusers are insecure losers, remember? In addition, he needs ammunition. More than likely you’ll one day meet the person he is […]

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  2. Just found your blog today. Looking forward to reading more from you. This post is spot on! Describes my soon to be ex so very well. I just recently discovered my husband is a narcissist about 6 months ago and thinking back over the year, everything is becoming so clear to me now. I made the mistake of letting my guard down with him this weekend and got into some trouble. I’m going to stay on high alert from now on. I will not let him use the kids to guilt me and I’m learning all I can so that I can always stay 2-3 steps ahead of him.

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  3. Ohhh! I so do not want to be near one of these people! Great post.. hugs Paula x

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  4. Agree totally with the loser description.

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  5. Love this 🙂 Best part is, they always thing they are “winning”….Losers.

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  6. So, so, so, true on every level. I thought it was just me living this strange half life as a SP’s girlfriend. Since I found out it’s so widespread it has helped me to remove him from my life. My sociopath’s behaviour forced ME to start a clean slate. But this time I am so so much more educated.

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    • And your clean slate came with great sacrifice. How wonderful you were able to get out from under him. Thank you for commenting and sharing.

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  7. Great post Paula. What do you think happens to the oplder socio-path who has lost his looks and can’t attract women that way? Serioulsy, how many times can you lose it all and just start over?

    ivonne

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    • Starting over is a difficult process…for normal, healthy people. Starting over for these fools regardless of age or looks is just a matter of charm, lies, and manipulation. We couldn’t imagine playing this game because we have a conscience. It would leave us drained. These people only see their reward. If someone they first meet accepts their shit sandwich immediately, it’s a beautiful thing for them. If its rejected, no worries. They just move on to the next sucker among us. 🙂

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  8. Very very clear information here Paula…thank you! What gets me is just how easily the sociopath starts over with that “clean” slate. You know, the last girlfriend this person had before I got involved with him died from an overdose sucide not more than a week after I came into the picture! I had no idea she even existed, for starters, when I hooked up with prince charming. And you know what he said to me when he found out and then reported it to me? I swear the first thing out of his mouth was a vehement “well, it’s not MY fault.”…!!! I should’ve turned around right then and ran as fast as I could. But I didn’t, oh no, it just got more bizzare from there.

    Yes, these people are Losers with a big L. unbelievable considering how much they take from others. and how much it all costs. I love your last paragraph! 🙂 🙂

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    • That is such a sad story, Linda. How can a person jumped into a relationship with someone they just met so soon after a tragedy such as that? Heartless. And to think we were the ones accused of being evil and uncaring.

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  9. I doubt the sociopath reading this actually believes they will die. They couldn’t possibly die because they are über-human.

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  10. Great job on dissecting this double-edged sword that sociopaths are excellent at holding over one’s head. Whatever path you choose with them, you are “wrong”. It leads to hesistation and self-doubt until you figure out what is going on. They play by a completely different set of rules- set up so that they win always!

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  11. Paula, absolutely wonderful! Right on! you nailed it again!

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    • I thought of you as I was writing this. Trying to be more gender neutral. 🙂

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    • Thanks for the consideration but I’m not sensitive to PCism, never cared for the he/she stuff. And currently everyone knows that it is a she that is the loser I write about

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  12. they blame everyone else for their loss too..

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  13. Oh my Paula, this is so incredibly interesting! The sad part for me is that not only is my ex son in law a narcissistic sociopath, but I kind of suspect my daughter is a bit of one also. She doesn’t have a whole lot of empathy and she will tell you when you are upset that you choose to be upset….unless of course it is something that was done to her, then it’s different. Someone made her upset, she didn’t choose it. WOW! She isn’t evil like her ex, just self absorbed I guess. Quite an eye opener for me….doesn’t change what has happened to her and her children, but gives me some insight into the situation as a whole…..thank you!

    _____

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    • I often wonder if the people who live to be 100+ are sociopaths. How else can they outlive everyone around them?

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    • This gives me something to think about. I’d like to live a long life but know its put of my control on some levels. Do you personally know any really old bastards? 🙂

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    • Insight is our best defense. I’m glad this post is helpful. Being too self-absorbed can be an indication that she lacks self esteem. Sometimes pointing it out is enough to motivate a person to be introspective. We are all flawed. But it’s the narcissist/sociopath who can’t see that and can therefore never change or reach their potential. Really kind of sad.

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