lance armstrong meddling kidsThe next time someone asks you why you stayed in an abusive relationship for so long, ask them why it took the world over a decade to finally realize Lance Armstrong was a cheating doper. Some people won’t like this post. I take that back. MANY people won’t like this post. How can I compare Lance Armstrong to domestic violence and abusers? Easy.

Abusers don’t start hurting us the day we accept our first date with them. Many abusers don’t start abusing their victims until they are certain their victims have “bought” their con. The con is that the abuser is our soul mate and will love you and only you forever. The abuser is the best you have ever had and that without the abuser, you will suffer. The abuser gains our pity and sympathy. He was a victim of abuse himself or endured a challenging childhood or agonizing first marriage or divorce. Whatever it was the abuser endured, he over came it because he is powerful and strong and a superman. The abuse he inflicts on you is because he is afraid of losing you. He can’t help himself. He’s so scared. You forgive him over and over and over again. Until, finally, one day you wake up and say to yourself, “I won’t take this anymore! I am worth so much more than this lying, abusive, asshole. I don’t care what he endured. I won’t be his victim anymore.”

Lance Armstrong created his mask, his con, too. He is a cancer survivor. He is a hard-working athlete. He’s a family man who froze his sperm before chemotherapy in order  to have children! He won the hearts of many and motivated many cancer patients to keep fighting.

Since the first cheating accusations, Lance has proclaimed his innocence and everyone (most everyone) believed him or were at least left with enough doubt that they refused to believe such a man of strength and integrity could do such a thing. No one could fathom that a hero would lie through his teeth to cover up the truth. After all, if it were true, he’d eventually crack under the pressure, right? No one can lie for as long as the dope testers claim he has lied, right?

(Victims of domestic violence know differently. We know there are people who will lie and blame others for their bad behavior. We know it’s possible for abusers to maintain their lies and the mask of innocence forever, even if faced with images of their battered victims.)

Lance proclaimed his innocence for over a decade. But now we have been provided with an extensive report explaining how he passed all of those drug tests. Now we know how he bullied many into keeping their mouths shut, or else. This was an elaborate con with many players and A LOT of money exchanging hands. He abused the trust of all of his fans, cancer researchers, cancer survivors, and MANY good people who put their trust in Livestrong because Lance projected his “man of steel” reputation onto the Foundation. Livestrong WAS Lance. Lance WAS Livestrong.

Lance will never admit he cheated; there is too much money and “stuff” at stake. Are we really that stupid to believe that a drug-free Lance Armstrong won the Tour de France 7 times against every top rider who admitted to cheating?!?!  There are many who still believe he is superman and innocent and a victim of a witch hunt. I, for one, think he’s a lying cheater and a textbook narcissist. How he handles the ensuing backlash will help determine if he is also a sociopath. Look for the pity party and the blame game and whether he “gifts” his new wife with many of his assets. He may even divorce her to protect his “stuff.”

He could have been a true hero to many, but his greedy nature took him to a place good people wouldn’t even consider going. Like all abusers, he has zero remorse or accountability. It’s our fault for believing their con in the first place, right? Silly us. We asked for it.

Category:
abuse, Cluster B disorders, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, Fitness, Forgiveness, Health, Lessons, Mental Health, Narcissist, Peace, Psychopaths, PTSD, Relationships, Self Improvement, Sociopaths, Spirituality, Writing
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Join the conversation! 37 Comments

  1. “Domestic violence abusers and Lance Armstrong Paula’s Pontifications” was indeed a good blog. In case it possessed a lot more pix this would be perhaps even a lot better. Thanks -Camille

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  2. The only people who don’t like this post are the ones inflicting the pain.

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    • Very true, Raymond. Inflicting pain is second nature to some and something that is normal and never questioned. Anyone who questions them is just weak.

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  3. It always bothered me that he left his wife after he beat cancer and then left Sheryl Crow right around when she was diagnosed. I could be wrong, those things could all be completely unrelated, but it struck me wrong nonetheless.

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  4. […] since writing my October 2012 post comparing Lance Armstrong’s behavior to that of a narcissistic abuser, I have anticipated his next move. I wasn’t the least bit surprised when The New York Times […]

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  5. Personally I never could take to him. there was always just something about thim that rubbed me the wrong way.
    however he has raised a lot of money for cancer research so that is a good thing . I still dont like him though.

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  6. I always thought something wasn’t right about that guy! Turns out he’s much worse than I thought. His wealth and celebrity give him enough power to silence his first wife, but at least she got out and maybe that’s enough.

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  7. An unbelievable THANK YOU! to you for writing about the sociopath, exposing, telling the truth and being so very clear. It is truly truly healing to read your words. I relate and concur 100% and have the utmost respect, empathy, and heart connection with every single one of us that has experienced this horror. Thank you so much.

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    • Thank you, Linda. There are many of us, but together we can make sense of the unexplainable and become the people we were born to be. Happy, healthy, and free! 🙂

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  8. Paula … you said…(Victims of domestic violence know differently. We know there are people who will lie and blame others for their bad behavior. We know it’s possible for abusers to maintain their lies and the mask of innocence forever, even if faced with images of their battered victims.)

    Right on!! my sociopath is a sibling and she is good, oh so good at denying and putting the blame on others, not her! NO she is the innocence one, Sure…not fooling anyone, but themselves and others like them.

    As always, a great post…

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    • Your sister sounds like someone I was friends with. She lied about her past, where she grew up, everything. Eventually my husband and I started to connect the dots and realized, everything she has told us is more than likely a lie, or some version of the truth (assuming the truth has ‘versions’). She hit a rough patch so my husband I and I helped her out. We owned a rental property and rented an apartment to her below market rent. She was my best friend (or so I thought). Until she had the audacity to put the moves on my husband which made him very uncomfortable. He wanted her O-U-T of our rental and out of our lives. When he told me what happened, I wanted nothing to do with her – nothing. I stopped speaking to her. I believe a month went by and she contacted me via email saying she “missed me” and was “wondering how I was doing” and proceeded to tell me what was going on in her life (as if I cared). I took me 4 days to respond to that email and in short I told her I didn’t want to be friends with her (I never mentioned the moves on my husband). That was five years ago and recently I found out that she is still bath mouthing me to all and sundry. Telling everyone what a horrible person I am. How I was a “psycho”. A horrible friend. That I was jealous of her (Shaaaa right! The woman didn’t have a pot to piss in and was up to her eyeballs in credit card debt!). She was the victim of being friends with me (imagine?) and not the other way around and how lucky she was to get away from me when she did.

      I don’t know much about narcissists but does she fit the definition?

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    • yep sure sound like she is a narcissistic, keep reading Paula’s blog and you will learn more about the behaviors and how to arm herself against them.

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  9. I haven’t read his story for a lack of interest, but your analogy is RIGHT ON! Great post again.

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  10. Having been married to a sociopath, my money is on sociopath. We all love heroes, don’t we? This may sound slightly less than humble, but I am my own biggest hero.

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  11. And we will continue to reward these morons. I was talking about this kind of thing the other night, but about Mark McGwire. Here’s an asshole that lied, continued his lie, and then, when busted, lied about the lie. He still claims the drugs weren’t what led to breaking the homerun record in 1998, that that was a God given talent, and that the drugs only helped him recover from injuries quicker. Now he is the hitting coach for his former team. He’s getting paid to coach for the same team he deceived. Now that’s a cycle of abuse. (I still cheer for the Cardinals, but this, this is a black-eye for the team.)

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  12. Good write-up Paula. I also recommend you watch the ESPN film 9.79. Maybe Carl Lewis won’t be far behind.

    http://espn.go.com/30for30/film?page=9.79

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  13. This is a great way to bring a face to narcissism! Maybe he’s done victims a favour!

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  14. I listened to his autobiography read by no other than himself. He’s an egomaniac!

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