This is a little excerpt of the “Cease and Desist” letter (or should I say THREATENING letter) I received in February 2012Â from the sociopath and his lawyer after trying in vain to get the sociopath to respond to my texts, calls and e-mails about information brought to my attention by a third-party that he had genital warts and is a carrier of HPV.
In my opinion, “any reasonable and prudent person” would pick up the phone, respond to a text or email in which someone accuses them of such things (not hire a lawyer to speak for him.) “Any reasonable and prudent person” wouldn’t have lied (or in this case, withhold the facts) in hopes the truth would never be disclosed. “Any reasonable and prudent person” wouldn’t have abused a child and woman in the first place.
So, who caused this? Who pushed the issue with his lies, carelessness, and deceit? Certainly not me. I am REACTING to his poor behavior. The sociopath’s favorite description of my reaction has always been that I am tasteless. I operate “in bad taste.” So be it. If telling the truth is tasteless, I am guilty. I will wear the “Tasteless Badge” with honor.
And just to be clear: in order to suffer damage to your reputation or standing in the community, you must have a reputation and community standing in the first place, Ruben. (Another example of your delusional, sociopathic thinking.)
Also, (even though I know the letter is filled with hyperbole and exaggerations) it’s nice knowing he got a taste of his own medicine and has “suffered embarrassment, humiliation and mental anguish.” Maybe there is such a thing as justice after all?
Thank you for this letter, Mr. Lawyer. It certainly opened my eyes to the power I actually have to “cause” such destruction (written with sarcasm). What a joke. Freedom of speech at it’s finest. All he had to do was pick up the phone and say, “Paula, nothing passed on to you about my sexual health is true” or “Yes, it’s true.” But only someone with something to hide would contact a lawyer. Agreed?
We live in a supposedly civil society, yet the ones who lack any civility are the first to use the very laws intended to protect us to hurt us. Such is the sad life of a sociopath. I do not recommend battling the sociopath because it takes a journey of many days, weeks, months (and in some cases, years) to get to the point of finding humor in his behavior. This letter cracks me up in its irony. But the cost of being tested diligently for the rest of my life isn’t ANYTHING to laugh about. I wonder what the health insurance companies think of this? I probably have a case.
Namaste!
Your Healing Frequency 
30 responses to ““Any reasonable and prudent person” tells the truth!”
They don’t put truthful things through attorneys….they find some sleezy attorney that will take any thing that isn’t even a legal matter, and have that attorney handle it in a stupid way. 5 or 6 years after I divorced the Psychopath….the decided he wanted to come over and go through the “Family Files.” He wanted the kids kindergarden graduation certificates (They were in college at this time). He wanted his first marriage divorce papers, and his Catholic Church marriage annulment ….which he lied about her to his own church to get. He wanted all this ridiculous crap. He also wanted his Degrees……had a list of about 10 or more things. My attorney said this is just harassment. I wrote back to his attorney myself, and said, “You know I find it very odd that an attorney will allow his client to pay him probably $200.00 or more an hour….to write this nonsense to my attorney. NOTHING GOES THROUGH MY ATTORNEY UNLESS I SAY SO, and no, he cannot come to my home, and there are no family files. The Kids kindergarden graduation certificates belong to them….not him. If he wants a copy of the lying document from the Catholic Church….go to the Source and get it. I don’t give a flip about lying documents. If he wants his first divorce papers….find his first wife….not me. I don’t care and I am not his employee. I don’t have to be harassed this way. My answer to you, Mr._______ is to tell your client to get a life!
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Okay, here’s one for you…my spath threatened to call a lawyer to shut me up, even though I have never used his name in anything I’ve ever published on my blog. In fact, he has the advantage of complete deniability, except he’s such a malignant narcissist that he can’t help owning everything I’ve ever written as being about him…and that’s so far from true that it makes me laugh.
BUT he has told people that he did contact a lawyer, sued me and won his lawsuit against me for millions of dollars, which I have allegedly paid him!!!! So now he’s a millionaire. He went on to also tell people that he had my blog shut down and I lost ALL of my readers…all because of him!!!
None of it is true. Not one word of it.
But do you think I’m going to hire a lawyer to shut him up? Um, nope I’m not 🙂 I think what he tells people is comical and anyone that blindly believes him can stay in his court of jesters because if they have a brain, all they have to do is Google me and then they can decide who the liar really is.
Sociopaths…can’t live with them, can’t be crazier than they are.
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Delusional!! The truth is so difficult for them to face and then they try to warp our lives with their lies. But as you note, people aren’t fooled. They know the truth and it’s not what comes out of the sociopath’s mouth. My ex, the boy in my story has ZERO web presence. All I have to do is leave his name in a comment string and it would be the first thing that pops up on google if you search his name. You think I haven’t been tempted? Hehe! But it’s not about him. It’s about us, right? 🙂
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Right 🙂 What I enjoy is answering the messages I get asking me if what he’s told them is true. Those are always fun because it feels like I never know what I’m up to or what I might do next…until I get to read what he’s telling other people I’ve done. LOL!
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Oh and my sociopath wasn’t even a love interest. He’s an old “friend” that claimed we were closer than I remembered. When he would tell me these stories about the two of us at a party, or something we had done I could never place the memory and just shrugged it off as me not remembering…later I realized that none of it ever happened. He made it all up so I’d feel more obliged to be his friend again! He was a true mind fuck.
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It seems it is just a never ending battle. Going through what you did was not bad enough. Also, love how he is just letting everyone know what he is…all by himself!!!
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I will never need to use his name. Ever. He’s done a great job making it public all on his own. Hehe!
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These lawyers don’t ever actually look for themselves. Twice I have been victim of my ex’s lawyer spewing forth my ex’s lies. And do you know what happened when I filed a complaint with the Office of the Chief Disciplinary Counsel? They said a lawyer was not required to verify the information provided by their clients. Thus, they are allowed to present their client’s lies as truth without repercussion, no matter how easily the information may be verified. That letter earned that lawyer money.
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Of course, he did! That’s the best part. Knowing he paid someone to communicate this useless threat when all he had to do was respond to me. It’s all a money game.
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Money money money. That’s why I dropped the appeal and why I’m not filing anything right now. He had the time and the money for an expensive scumbag lawyer and he won custody. Now, conceivably, I have the time and the money, but then he will have the time and the money…such a terrible cycle for the children. But on the other side, he will fail as a parent and the children will suffer somehow before they can return home to me. It’s neverending.
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I just don’t know how the courts can’t see this. But then again, our justice system may as well be renamed a punishing system. Innocence is not protected if the monster has money. Deals and games are played out and real justice is nothing but smoke and mirrors in our minds. We feel like we win inside, but nothing can change the fact that these people keep getting passes to inflict more harm on more innocent people. There are so many foundations and organizations that claim they are dedicated to helping the children but they do nothing about the source only the aftermath. More research and awareness needs to be done, which leads me to think of your recent post on Cancer and Domestic Violence. The woman who commented about having survived both mentioned that suggesting Domestic Violence causes cancer may not be completely off-the-wall as we may think. Definitely has me thinking about looking up what she mentioned.
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The perpetrator is forgiven and given chance 2, 3, 4, until it’s too late for the children we tried to protect from the beginning.
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Lawyers write the laws. Go figure!
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Exactly!! Hehe!
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I understand, Paula. I got an email from my ex’s estranged wife telling me to see a doctor after we found out about his triangulation. She emailed me that he has something, and thankfully I am fine. But here’s how I see it: you’re expecting him to react like a normal person: to respond to you honestly, to be concerned about your health, to remain civil and sensitive. Yet, he’s like a robot. He feels an adrenalin rush from dangerous behavior and getting over on people. Other than that, they live emotionless, boring lives, always trying to entertain themselves like a puppeteer. You are complaining about how he is treating you, and I’ve spent countless hours doing the same with friends. But you’re still expecting him to act in a way in which he is incapable of acting. Anything response he gives would be self-serving BEFORE it would be helpful, anyway. So why continue with the contact? If he is disordered, you are not defaming him…it’s only libelous if it’s false. I think a trained radiologist can determine this with brain scans and standard tests. (This should become a rapidly growing field over the next decade, I think, now that all of these scumbags are getting identified.) But he mistreated you earlier, continued to mistreat you, and will only continue to mistreat you. The only attention he WILL give you would be for supply, or to gain something for himself. I can’t wait until detection and identification catches up to these monsters, but until then, I don’t see the continued attempts to communicate to be anything but a waste of precious time. Educate others? Absolutely, and that’s why I stay online. But look for the monster to act anything like a normal human? That’s a lesson in futility, LOL.
I love your site, Paula, and I love that you are willing to mix it up with all different people who bring all different ideas. You have my sincerest wishes for a future unencumbered by your ex and every other robo-boy on this planet. ❤
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Hehe! Yes, robo-boy. I’ve been holding on to this letter for 6 months. I will NEVER get an answer, yes or no. I have definitely come to terms with that. And I hope others who deal with these careless individuals do also. I guess writing it out is a full purge for me. I can feel it and think it as much as I want. But writing it is easier than talking about it because every time I try to talk through what happened, I just cry. So, my voice is this blog, free of distracting tears and whimpers. I’m glad you like reading it. (And I cry because I step outside of myself and say, “Why did she allow this to happen? Why did she stay?” Which are the same things everyone asks and will always ask unless they have lived it.” 🙂
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I totally understand your anger, as I have had my own abusive relationships with similar consequences. But, this post shows a complete lack of awareness about HPV. HPV is ‘carried’ by 50% of all sexually active men, so when we choose to have unprotected sex with ANY man we are risking our own health & the health of our future partners. There is no way for a man to know he is carrying HPV unless he gets genital warts which is an extremely low percentage compared to the amount who carry. The big risk of contracting HPV as a woman is that is can cause cervical cancer. As someone who has been through being told I was in the 3rd stage of precancerous cells from HPV at the age of 21, I can tell you… No matter how much I wanted to blame my cheating, abusive, narc ex, my doctor was clear that if I ever had unprotected sex with any man who had any other partners it could be any of them. Period. & even if he had shown genital warts proving he was carrying HPV, we still wouldn’t know because there are so many strains. Most of this has been confirmed & reconfirmed by my docs over last 15 years, as I had s return of the precancerous cells 5 years after that. HPV is like the common cold of STDs. I truly wanted to blame my ex, but chances are, at least half of us are carrying some strain of this STD if we ever had unprotected sex, so please be straight with these facts. Every time we have unprotected sex we put our own health & that of our future partners at risk.
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The letter from the third party claimed he had warts and gave them to her. There is no doubt the asshole will keep lying. All he needed to do was tell me if this was true or if the third party was lying. I understand how STD’s are contracted and have read much on the subject due to this health scare. And it is scary and deserves to be addressed and the accused should at least have the civility to address the accusation. A normal person would, and if I were dealing with a normal person, this post wouldn’t be necessary because it would have been handled civilly. This is how sociopaths deal with people who they once claimed an undying love and devotion for. I can’t imagine NOT addressing such an accusation from an ex, can you?
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I’d want to know if he knows. Period.
I just get really sensitive when it comes to HPV. I’ve read that 75% of sexually active women will carry it… & so many times women know, too, & don’t say anything because of shame or because men normally won’t get symptoms & they feel they don’t have to.. But they become carriers. I think knowing how prevalent it is helps reduce shame & hopefully more women & men will be safe & honest.
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Of course, Beth. It’s a shame that it took this happening for me to educate myself. It’s one thing to keep it from your partner; it’s quite another to withhold knowledge when confronted. To me, his silence speaks to his guilt. To him, it speaks to how crazy Paula is. I’ll take crazy any day over being dishonest and deceptive. Maybe I should write a column story on HPV. I think you just inspired me, Beth. I really never knew how common it is and how many people are carriers. I simply wish he had been more forthcoming.
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That’s a great idea! I remember when I first found out, I immediately told the boyfriend I was with. He asked how it would affect him. When I told him there was no way to be tested without warts and he’d probably never have symptoms, he barely cared. How many of his next girlfriends do you think he tells? And then I started talking about it at work. I was a waitress at a fairly large restaurant. I worked with a bunch of women and started telling them all about HPV and what I was going through… Many of them were aware and an astonishing amount had been through the same thing but NEVER spoke of it. It blew my freakin mind!!!
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I’m confused about your intent here. You can’t out psych a psycho. If you’ve been tested for an STD and it’s positive, then what’s the recourse? Don’t they always lie anyway? If he’s a true sociopath, he feels no shame, guilt, or empathy for your circumstances. And when you’re absent, he’s not dwelling on you, but rather his next fix. I don’t mean to be disrespectful at all and I hope this doesn’t appear that way, but I’ve THOUGHT about disrupting my ex’s life countless times, yet what’s the motivation? People closest to him know what he is, and those who don’t will have to learn the hard way. Every second spent on trying to get even is one that could be spent moving onward with my life without him. My ex’s attorney won’t talk to him, his wife is divorcing him, and his friends have dwindled down to nothing. THAT’S my motivation to remain without contact which seems like the best “Fu%k you” there is.
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I don’t do this, meaning write my blog, to get revenge, Laura. I write to inform others that there is NOTHING that can be done when dealing with a psychopath other than to wake up to the fact that you’re dealing with a psychopath. Not only did he put my health in danger, but he’s also put the health of my husband in danger. THAT can’t go unsaid. Psychopaths/sociopaths don’t just hurt people directly, but as noted, they hurt people who have never even met them. His dishonesty makes him and people like him unworthy of having anyone trust him or be a part of his life. I’m not going to sit back and hope people get educated about these types. I’ll use my experience to illustrate to others what red flags to look out for and what to expect from our justice system which is more abuse. No one wins with a sociopath, least of all the sociopath. I lost a long time ago when I opened the door to my life and let the wrong one in. I’d hate to think others feel alone in their experience. That’s the purpose of sharing. To educate and let others know they aren’t crazy. I’m glad you are in a good place since you left your psychopath. 🙂
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interesting too as far as i know on the web you have never used his name, so he is taking ownership of his behaviour when he can’t even prove you are writing about him…ha!
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Hehe! That’s the other point. He’s so vain he probably thinks this blog is about him. Anyone who does a Google search of his name will NOT get this blog or my book or any site I own or administer. Could it be his conscience eating away at him? Doubtful. Like all sociopaths, he lacks one. It comes down to control. He can’t control my thoughts and feelings so he’ll try to control me through threats. Wielding more power (which he has none) and abuse (which he is full of).
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lol! i wonder if he thinks the song is about him too…ahaha.
he can’t stop you from any of this because as you said, you have freedom of speech right? you have every right to have sites and say whatever you want…geeze these abusers need to be stopped! i so wish the gov. would begin to recognize this form of abuse, and see that just because someone may not have visible wounds doesn’t mean they are not being abused!
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Wow! the only “Cease and Desist” letter I and my sisters ever got from our socio-path is a rant on one of her hate/slander blogs accusing us of cyberbullying and stalking or in her comments to her ‘supports’ about how she needs help to put ‘those’ people behind bars, etc and her henceman who has his own hate/slander blog against us.
The reason of course is $$$. If I had the $$$ the socio-path would be in prison, not me! My socio-path has no $ and can’t find a ‘real’ lawyer to help her…,that speaks volumns.
There is of course great satisfaction to know that when we speak out against the abuses done to us they are annoyed enough to threaten again. But it also shows that they are NOT in control over you and they don’t like that.
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Exactly, Gert. A “reasonable and prudent person” would laugh it off if it were a bunch of lies. Not hire a lawyer. Obviously, he doesn’t and never had a solid reputation or standing that would trump such accusations from little ole me. Childish on his part to keep hiding behind lies and deception. THIS ridiculous letter gave me motivation. What kind of coward do they think I am to be frightened by such a thing? And that’s what they rely upon: our fears.
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OMG! Surely his lawyer would have recommended he tell you if you need to worry about life-long testing? Or is the lawyer a Socio, too? Maybe they all are 🙂 So sorry you have to keep dealing with that nutcase.
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Exactly! One would think the lawyer would advise, “You may want to call her and tell her directly. That may help to calm her and reassure her that perhaps she was given a bucket of lies by this third-party.” I called the lawyer as soon as I read this letter. Certainly a sociopath, too. He hung up on me. What has happened and how he has handled it is a clear indication that I am dealing with a piece of garbage. Luckily, I don’t deal with this person. Just the effects of him on my physical health and well being. But what’s my health and well being to these lying, smug, and deceitful wastes of oxygen? Absolutely nothing. I am nothing. I am an obstacle. Well, this obstacle has rights, too. And I shall continue using them. 🙂
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