About the Site

The site and its resources are created and maintained by Paula Carrasquillo. It is intended specifically for abuse survivors and their supporters interested in learning more about sociopathy, sociopath abuse, and discovering integrative, alternative, and holistic approaches to healing and recovery from the trauma related to sociopath abuse and exposure.

About Paula Carrasquillo

Paula is creative, passionate, and positive. She wants nothing more than to see all survivors succeed and for their lives to bear fruit. She is a published author, editor, certified yoga teacher, and integrative health and nutrition coach. She advocates for improved education, increased literacy, and healthier communities.

View Paula’s Public LinkedIn Profile.

Education, Credentials, and Current Studies

  • MA, graduate honors, Communication and Adult Education, Regis University, Denver, CO (December 2007)
  • BS, cum laude, English, Frostburg State University, Frostburg, MD (May 2000)
  • Certified Yoga Teacher, Thrive Yoga, Rockville, MD (August 2014)
  • Certified Integrative Health and Wellness Coach, Institute for Integrative Nutrition, Boston, MA (expected June 2015)

Publications

Contact Paula

If you have questions, insights, or would like to share your story with Paula, complete and submit the form below. Note that comments submitted through this contact form WILL NOT appear directly on this site.

Join the conversation! 16 Comments

  1. You seem well. I hope you are. Thoughts always.

    Reply
    • Finding your site is a God send! I am just coming out of a 4 year insane relationship with what I now know is a narcissist with psychopathic tendencies. Your site is helping me so much as I go through the healing process! Thank you Paula!

    • I’m thrilled you discovered my site. I’m more thrilled that you are on your path to great healing and self-awareness. Namaste, Angie! <3

  2. Does anyone have successful experience legally fighting this type of person? My son has a beautiful daughter with this narcissistic woman. He is trying to get full custody of her. How do you prove how harmful it is for a child to be living with such a person?? As the grandmother, I am very worried because I have a loving relationship with my granddaughter and want the best for her.

    Reply
    • I’m sure you’ve considered this, already, but my first question is why does she want custody? Likely, it could have something to do with receiving child support. I would highly suggest testimony from people who know her, work with her, have had any negative association (true, of course) to clarify and verify just how the woman is a bad influence. Who has she lied to? Who has she double crossed (& with proof)? Is she on do drugs or alcohol or frequent clubs? What does she expose the granddaughter to — types of people and environment? Does she have a stable job? Does she offer a lifestyle that would balance a child’s upbringing? Just how moody is she? Does she yell, curse, belittle the child or anyone in the child’s presence? Your attorney should be counseling you on this matter. If you have all this, then you should not worry. Men are awarded children all the time and it takes personal references to get this done. For all the bad things I’ve listed above – the same goes for your son – can he prove he does all those things well – does he have a stable job and home, a balanced life, positive influences in his life as well as the one he would offer his daughter. Most judges can see through a false testimony and depending on how your daughter in law looks and dresses – unless she is a very good actress, she won’t fool anyone. Lastly, I believe the child can give input as to where she wants to be and why — this is huge. Good luck. It’s a sad situation when family’s end up like this. But, go back to the source of the problem — what did this Mother start doing that brought them to this point — that is your key right there!

  3. The writer China Mieville has been outed as an abuser of this type by one of his victims – a very well-regarded UK human rights journalist. It seems that he, and other abusers of his type, seem to seek out particularly strong women to destroy as this is part of their abuse-satisfaction. http://www.bidisha-online.blogspot.co.uk/2010/12/venice.html

    Reply
    • Thank you, Justine. They need resourceful and highly sensitive women (and men) in order to a.) gain whatever it is they covet from us and b.) get away with it because we feel too guilty and ashamed to speak out against them because we feel like we somehow deserved what we got. And the effects are physical and visceral! I can’t hear his name without wanting to vomit.

  4. I found your blog after the first round I had with a NS I met three months prior. It was so important to me that I put in in my “favorites” to re-read, if I needed it in the future after my first breakup with him. Boy did I ever. He did a “sympathy- in-an-accident” email to me while I was still in the “bargaining phase” of it within my mind. We go through the five phases before reality sets in and those phases last differently for each person. In my case, the bargaining part was about one month later.

    Not taking your advice, I emailed him back with my concerns for his well being and, just like he planned, I let him in again. And, it all started again. Only this time he was even better at convincing me that he was my ideal in every way. But he was deceptive enough to have his needs and that was to get back to the business of the other women he had in his stable. It was devastating to discover but having your blog to refer back to made me understand the MO of a NS. This man was classic. So once more I finally ended it – based on this blog and accepting the truth about what I was dealing with.

    Just as you warn us, he made an attempt about a month later to “test the waters” I believe,but I have not responded in any way. It’s been another three months and he has tried three times about the same time each month to see if I am “ready” yet. He is a master at his technique.

    Cant say that it has been as easy as just saying “goodbye” because I ache every day with a longing for the “character” he played, but totally dislike the “actor”. It’s hard to let a fantasy go because it’s not a tangible thing, but at least I know what I am dealing with and that makes it worth the pain of going through the stages of grief that I must and to never forget the “no contact” rule.

    Thank you, Paula, for saving me from something I might not have ever got out from under. Good luck to everyone out there who has also had the need for this advice. My advice is “Take Paula’s advice.” It’s not an easy hill to climb but I can see the top already.

    Reply
    • Wow! Thank you for sharing your struggle and for thanking me, but YOU deserve the most thanks! You’re strong and smart and growing everyday in your independence. Always give yourself the credit you deserve for remaining open and honest with your desires and understanding where they come from. ;) <3

    • Going through the same thing. Good luck!

  5. Paula,
    The opportunity for you to speak about the sociopath on Huffington Post is no accident. Those that need support will find your site. I have worked many years with sociopaths and/or narcissists that were court mandated to see me for 52 weeks. I have listen to them tell me in detail what they did too emotionally and physically torture their partners. The sociopath/narcissist is fully aware of what they are doing and as you know it makes them feel all powerful. In my experience the only thing that might make them stop is impressing upon them further incarceration if they get caught abusing others. I held out hope that their victims were at least safe during the year they were in treatment with me. I stopped this work and feel good about my contribution. There has been a few times where I feared for my own safety. Unfortunately many pathological men are smart about not getting caught. It takes people like you to raise awareness to prevent further victims. More power to you!
    Regards,
    Roberta

    Reply
    • Thank you, Roberta. I had no idea you worked with this “population.” I am also encouraged by what you mention that they know and are aware of what they do. That has always been a big question mark for me. And these men are smart when it comes to recognizing their limits and what society will and will not tolerate. Hopefully, more and more will see that less and less should be tolerated and not brushed aside as common. :)

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