Emotional Abuse

Emotional abuse is VERY subtle. The victim may not know she is being victimized until it is nearly too late. Men (and women) who suffer from personality disorders like Narcissistic Personality Disorder, often appear, at first, too good to be true. They are charming, agreeable, and engaging. They love (or seem to love) everything about you. They hook you. To learn how they do this, please read The Story of a Sociopath, an online short story detailing my experience with a narcissistic sociopath.

Signs You May be Dating a Narcissist or Sociopath

(Thanks and acknowledgements to Sam Vaknin, author of “Malignant Self-Love“.)

Abuse is an integral, inseparable part of the Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The narcissist idealizes and then DEVALUES and discards the object of his initial idealization. This abrupt, heartless devaluation IS abuse. ALL narcissists idealize and then devalue. This is THE core of pathological narcissism. The narcissist exploits, lies, insults, demeans, ignores (the “silent treatment”), manipulates, controls. All these are forms of abuse. ~ by Sam Vaknin, Ph.D.

Is he too eager? Does he push you to marry him having dated you only twice? Is he planning on having children on your first date? Does he immediately cast you in the role of the love of his life? Is he pressing you for exclusivity, instant intimacy, almost rapes you and acts jealous when you as much as cast a glance at another male? Does he inform you that, once you get hitched, you should abandon your studies or resign your job (forgo your personal autonomy unless he needs the health insurance your position offers)?

Does he respect your boundaries and privacy? Does he ignore your wishes (for instance, by choosing from the menu or selecting a movie or planning an extended vacation without as much as consulting you)? Does he disrespect your boundaries and treats you as an object or an instrument of gratification (materializes on your doorstep unexpectedly or your parents’ doorstep and calls you often prior to your date or before you return home from work)? Does he go through your personal belongings and cell or e-mail messages while waiting for you to get ready?

Does he control the situation and you compulsively? Does he insist to ride in his car, holds on to the car keys, the money, the theater tickets, and even your bag? Does he disapprove if you are away for too long (for instance when you go to the powder room)? Does he interrogate you when you return (“have you seen anyone interesting”) – or make lewd “jokes” and remarks? Does he hint that, in future, you would need his permission to do things – even as innocuous as meeting a friend or visiting with your family?

Does he act in a patronizing and condescending manner and criticizes you often? Does he emphasize your minutest faults (devalues you) even as he exaggerates your talents, traits, and skills (idealizes you)? Is he wildly unrealistic in his expectations from you, from himself, from the budding relationship, and from life in general?

Does he tell you constantly that you “make him feel” good and that you are “the love of his life”? Don’t be impressed. Next thing, he may tell you that you “make” him feel bad, or that you make him feel violent, or that you “provoke” him. “Look what you made me do!” is an abuser’s ubiquitous catchphrase.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder Defined (opens in new window)