Don’t be Ugly and Self-Deceptive Like the TEXTBOOK Sociopath

We are generally fascinated by the people we most resemble.

Remember how fascinated you were with everything the sociopath said and did? How you hung on all of the beautiful compliments the sociopath graced you with unsolicited?

You did this because you thought the sociopath was just like you.

You were also fascinated by the sociopath’s criticisms of you, because you were also under the assumption that he was like you and would only criticize you because he cared. After all, we often let our loved ones know if they do something that hurts us or harms them, don’t we? And we do it because we desperately want everyone to be happy and to succeed.

But now you should know that the sociopath didn’t praise you and inform you of your mistakes because he loved you and wanted to see you succeed. No. He did it because he wanted you to fail, so you would become 100% dependent upon the sociopath. Once dependent, the sociopath has complete and utter control.

And control is the name of the game!

But just because you know the sociopath exploited your flaws and faults doesn’t mean you should ignore those criticisms. Yes, you would like to forget how the faults and criticisms were carelessly and hatefully spewed in your direction. Of course. But, if you can, consider all of those things the sociopath said and turn them into your goals.

The boy in my story often told me I was a bad mother and that I was alcoholic and too unstable to be left alone. At one point, he called my mother behind my back and told her I was sick and needed to be admitted.

Looking back, I can see why. I had been driven into a very dark and depressed place. I had become all of those things. But I know that going behind my back and using triangulation strategies to pit my family against me is NOT what a loving boyfriend/fiance/husband would do. Nope. What the sociopath did simply drove me deeper into helplessness, exactly where he wanted me.

TEXTBOOK sociopath!

So today I do exactly the opposite of what the sociopath tried forcing upon me. Instead of being ashamed of myself and feeling less empowered by the realization of my faults and mistakes, I embrace those faults and mistakes. I do not use them as excuses for my past poor behaviors and bad choices. I do not use them to foster self-hatred.

Instead, I look at myself and lovingly say:

“Paula, you screwed up royally. But you are not those stupid things you did. When you’re 80, will any of that crap really matter? No. So accept what you did and what you said and never forget those things. Move forward determined not to hurt yourself or others like that again. It’s inevitable that shit will happen. But don’t let that really stinky shit happen again, okay?”

And never give the sociopath credit for awakening you to this realization of yourself. Screw that! You are awake because you witnessed the epitome of ugliness, and you don’t want to be ANYTHING like the sociopath. EVER!

Beauty is your focus. Remain fascinated with beauty.

If you remain fascinated with trying to figure out the sociopath and wondering how he ticks, you’ll remain all of those ugly things he threw in your direction.

So transfer all that fascination you once had for the sociopath onto yourself because that’s, ironically, who you were really fascinated with the entire relationship. Your head was just in a fog unable to differentiate between when the sociopath was projectioning his ugliness onto you and when he was stealing and mirroring your beauty onto himself.

“Beauty is truth, truth beauty.” — Ode on a Grecian Urn, John Keats

Ugliness and Deception = Sociopath
Beauty and Truth = You

Be a bit self-centered. Getting to know your beauty and worth is not a dirty thing to practice. Having confidence in all of your skills and abilities is empowering. Our confidence nurtures our self-awareness and our ability to discern between those who value us for “us” and those who value us for some “thing” they covet from us.

One of the best ways to be in-tune with self-fascination, is to also remain humbly fascinated by others. We learn so much from each other (sociopaths excluded). And let your friends know how facsinating you think they are!

Peace! Namaste!
~ Paula

(image source: http://pinterest.com/pin/200621358372758161/)