A sociopath will tell you that all he desires is a lasting and loving relationship. The reality and truth behind this desire lies in the sociopath’s definition and concept of love and relationships.
Love to the sociopath = total domination.
From what you eat to when you go to bed, you are controlled by the whims of the sociopath. It could be oatmeal today or eggs tomorrow. If he likes oatmeal today, you should like oatmeal today. If he likes eggs tomorrow, you should like eggs tomorrow.
You can choose not to like oatmeal today. Of course you can. But be prepared to be called stupid, idiotic and hateful for choosing not to like something that the sociopath likes.
“Absurd!” you say.
Well, this is the reality of being with a selfish, vindictive and controlling sociopath.
“Then why stay?” you ask.
We stay, because we were raised to ignore the bad and embrace the good in people. We were raised to give people chances especially people we love and who we think love us in return.
Imagine for a moment being with a person that showers you with compliments and praises. And these praises are constant and come in many shapes and sizes:
- Flowers sent to your office for no particular reason.
- Gifts delivered to your doorstep out-of-the-blue.
- Endless hugs and kisses when you walk through the door.
- Love letters, emails and texts sent to you throughout the day, every day.
We call this love bombing. And its effect is just as powerful as any Nazi Blitzkrieg.
Love bombing is very destructive. Love bombing destroys your ability to distinguish between what true love is and what control disguised as true love looks and feels like.
Calling you an ignorant, stupid pig comes from a loving and caring place, don’t you know that? The sociopath only says those things because he loves you so much and wants you to be perfect and better and to love him the way he loves you. You’re soul mates, remember? Shaming and blaming you into getting your act together is how he demonstrates his love for you.
Hmmm? Not quite, right?
Building a person up through love bombing and then tearing them down using shame and blame is what slave owners do.
A sociopath motivates you to work harder at pleasing him by praising you, which gives you a false sense of safety and security. You feel protected and think, “If he thinks I am so wonderful, I am safe with him.”
Then the attacks of shame and blame strike when you least expect it. You immediately wonder what you did to deserve such treatment. How could you have been so stupid? His love bombing tactic has succeeded in diverting all of your judgment onto yourself instead of onto the sociopath who’s standing there raging and acting like an infant that dropped his pacifier.
After all, why would you judge his criticisms when you did not judge his superfluous praises? You have accepted all of his praise and attention without question. They came from a good place, right. So, his criticisms must be coming from the same place of love and desire, right?
This is the Catch-22, the conundrum that victims find themselves. We fall into the web of deception because the sociopath played on our most primal and innate quest to find love and acceptance. He fooled us into thinking he loved and accepted us with all of our flaws and quirks.
But the reality is love = control to the sociopath. That’s slavery to me. What do you think?
If a sociopath can’t control you and make you love him the way he needs to be loved, he’ll abandon you and set out to find someone else more submissive and willing to let him be King.
Submission. It’s not a game I want to play ever again.