jealousy and pistoriusNarcissistic Sociopath’s single-handedly destroy their lives through paranoia and jealousy. As more and more news is being leaked to the press, it seems Oscar Pistorius is no better than the common douche bags across the globe (like the boy in my story) who abuse and lash out at their partners. An olympic athlete jealous of his girlfriend’s relationship with a rugby player? Sure. Believe it. Having close friends outside the “romance” is just the thing that sets off these cowards. But it’s going to be a tough nugget for many supporters to swallow, since Pistorius happens to have a couple of medals to flash in front of our eyes in hopes of blinding us to his true nature.

Narcissistic sociopaths can’t leave well enough alone and believe the people in their lives when they tell them they are “just friends” with someone. Why? Because a narcissistic sociopath can’t trust himself. How is he expected to trust anyone else?

Sociopaths are the Kings and Queens of self-fulfilling prophecies: their biggest fears become reality quickly. Sociopaths suspect the worst and repeatedly accuse their intimate partners and spouses of acting in despicable ways.

“You whore! I know you’re sleeping with X, Y, and Z when I’m not around. Why else would you be friends with such losers who have nothing to offer you?”

Over time and worn down by the increasing delusions of the sociopath, these partners finally just give up and relent. It’s too tiresome, otherwise, to continue our attempts at defending ourselves and our intentions. We allow the sociopath to think what he wants to think. Unfortunately, as soon as we think we have disengaged, the real fight for our lives and spirits begins.

I think many of us who have experienced similar can imagine the nightmare that was Reeva Steenkamp’s last moments. The rage, the anger, the begging, and the pleading. Even if Oscar Pestorius is never diagnosed with having a pathological personality disorder, he behaved as if his dark side was met with little to no resistance by the “idol” so many had cheered to victory in the past. Such a shame.

As I have noted in the past, a narcissistic sociopath can take the most innocent of behaviors (like being friends with someone) and twist it into something dark, dirty, and shameful. Being a good person and having good and loving friends and family is the narcissistic sociopath’s biggest enemy and source of rage and disgust. As soon as the green-eyed monster of jealousy rears its ugly head, kick these fools to the curb. Who cares if he/she happens to be a well-respected athlete or business owner? They’re pieces of trash capable of murdering you. If you think that’s harsh, lucky you. You’ve never looked evil in the eye.

Pistorius murder charge: Was Reeva Steenkamp shot over “close friendship” with Oscar’s rugby hunk pal?

abuse, Cluster B disorders, domestic violence, Emotional Abuse, Family, Friends, Health, Lessons, Love, Mental Health, Narcissist, Narcissistic Personality Disorder, NPD, Peace, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Psychopaths, PTSD, Relationships, Running, Self Improvement, Sociopaths, Spirituality, The Washington Times, Washington D.C.
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Join the conversation! 49 Comments

  1. I have just read that the psych thought he didn’t have a personality disorder. However I have read before that they can convince a psych that they haven’t got a personality disorder.

    why didn’t he check she was in bed when he reached to pick the gun up , it was on her side of the bed!?

    • He didn’t check, because his story is a lie from the beginning. They like to use smoke and mirrors to divert us from the truth. These people think in black and white. And they use gaslighting tactics to make something that is black seem white. So I am convinced that with everything Pistorius says that depicts himself as a loving boyfriend and good person (white thinking), I choose to believe the absolute opposite and that he never loved her and is not a good person (black thinking). Unfortunately, even therapists and psychiatrists make the false assumption that there is some truth, some grey in the thinking patterns of everyone, and these tests only serve as a map of behaviors. Only those who have lived in the landscape and the territory can speak to what these psychopaths truly are. A flawed test of cognitive behavioral questions and observations will NEVER prove or find these people to be psychopaths, because these tests only measure cognitive empathy, which psychopaths are very good at mimicking, not affective empathy, which requires a conscience, which can only be measured in a real world situation that captures, cause, and effect and outcome of both parties interacting. Many psychiatrists admit, after the fact, that they were duped and acted upon to be led to believe the psychopath is not a psychopath. Many psychiatrists, actually.

  2. I just don’t know about this assessment. I used to fly into jealous rages (mostly as a young man), but I’ve never wanted to kill anyone that’s for sure. I certainly have behaved like a narcissistic prick to some poor ex-girlfriends (for which I am remorseful). I’m not a psycho.

    • The fact that you acknowledge the behavior and are remorseful just proves that you are NOT a psycho. It’s hard to grasp the concept unless you have survived an encounter with one of these beings (not human). Unfortunately, Reeva did not survive her encounter so she could tell her story.

    • I agree! Carlo, I think if you can recognize your crap behavior from your past and that you regret it, you aren’t a psycho. Pistorius has shown zero genuine regret or remorse. The biggest give away of a person’s lack of a conscience or ability to be remorseful is how they react in the aftermath…the immediate aftermath.

    • Paula,I think I ran over a squirrel years ago and I still feel bad about and I don’t even know if I actually hit the squirrel. A narc would be like yeah,he got in my way.

  3. great article. thank you very much for the words of sanity in this crazy performance

    • I was thinking EXACTLY that…exactly what you wrote, that he was a control freak narcissistic sociopath, and then I googled it and found your article. I dated a narcissistic sociopath. I have read much about them. They are also called narcopaths. The scenarios you described were a part of my life every day. I was watching him cry in court scenes and I thought, he’s crying because he got caught and might have to pay for his crime. They can’t get help. It’s everybody else’s fault. They are never wrong. Addictions are often part of the picture too.

    • Thank you, Gail! I’m glad this post was validating for you. Many criticize us for being too harsh in our judgment of OP. “Um, a woman is dead and he killed her. How is not believing his remorse being harsh?” I honor those who tell the truth. He’s not being truthful. :)

  4. Yes, Oscar may very well have BPD. The tragedy is he had guns and did not get help with his problem. I am sure that if he realized he had a problem and was earnest working with a counselor – that his girlfriend would still be alive, even if not still dating him.

    • Why isn’t murdering your GF enough of a nudge to inform him that he’s got a problem? If he accepted his problem, he wouldn’t continue to lie as he is lying. It’s simply a tragic story from all angles.

  5. Reminds me very much of the narcissistic and sociopathic rage that I often saw in my father when he wasn’t in control of everyone and everything around him. When he felt he was losing control, or that he had been “victimized” in his twisted sociopathic mind, watch out. My father could twist any situation and make himself the “victim.” Unfortunately, for sake of our safety we had to always let him play the victim. Engaged in the thinking error of many criminals and sociopaths, “blaming the victim.” And playing the martyr.

    • They LOVE to play the martyr, don’t they!!??!! It’s a huge red flag for these fools. No one else is delusional enough to claim zero accountability. Only a psychopath can do that and not have it weigh on his/her conscience.

  6. Please help me know if I am the sociopath you describe so I can let my girlfriend go if she needs to find someone better. I got very jealous when she went to meet her ex even though it was just a one time thing. If she doesn’t answer me I often get the feeling I am being ignored. I have problems trusting people apart from my parents and best friends, I want to trust her too but it it is hard. I try to tell her everything is ok while I am feeling like it’s not ok because I just want to spend every waking moment with her. She told me she loves me so I can’t let go either. I don’t know for sure but I gotta ask, am I behaving like the narcissitic sociopath described here? We’ve only known each other for 4 months by the way.

    • Guilty man,

      I do not believe you are pathological. You recognize you could stand to grow up a little. Would you agree? You need to learn to trust in yourself and trust in your GF. Most of us suffer from low self-esteem, which causes us to behave in selfish and immature ways in our early romantic relationships. But we learn from our mistakes and recognize when our insecurities are simply hurting others and hurting our ability to have successful long-term partnerships. We take accountability and grow up. We want to grow up!! Sociopaths do not. They just brush off each consecutive romantic partner as the one with the problem. Everyone else but the sociopath is incapable of commitment and love. Sociopaths are convinced they have nothing to learn from anyone about anything. Is that you, Guilty Man? :)

  7. “Paula” lets just say it takes ONE to know one. Of course you will be well received by the rest of your kind. “escaping the boy” . ridiculous.

  8. Hi Paula, you called this one on Oscar, well and truly – and I totally agree with you.
    Anyone who has sympathy for him is pretty much to be painted with the same brush, if you ask me. I mean, he IS responsible! How can killing another human be justified??

  9. in any case , someone who shoots through a door (which i dont believe, i think he smashed the door after so he could say he shot through it shells were found in the toilet bowl) is a coward, he didnt face his attacker, i use that term lightly as well cuz he wasnt being attacked by anyone according to him. In my world, this case would have been tried already because it is so simple… all this crime in SA is rife nonsense and, his prior tweets to that effect about going commando or whatever are just convinient cover for his story. Its also a well known fact that many women are murdered by their jealous partners in SA. Men in SA are extremeley insecure. I just read that his daddy said that they need so many guns cuz the ANC doesnt protect white people. hahaha. What a load of crap, everyone knows that the crimes being commited are on the black people…..This family really believes its own manure even though a young woman is dead and gone. Its macabre.

  10. I’ve been wondering about this story. Every morning, while getting ready for work, I listen to NPR. This morning I heard the news announce say that Pistorius thought there was an intruder in his bathroom. Does Pistorius honestly think anyone is going to believe that story?!?!

    Incidentally, I just started following the Jodi Arias murder trial. Not sure if you’re following it either, but evidently, she stabbed her ex BF 27 times and then shot him in the head. From what I’ve read, she was extremely jealous.

    Based on what I’ve learned from your blog, Arias seems to fit the profile of a narc/sociopath. Scary! I wonder what the ratio is? do men tend to be more narc/sociopaths or is it balanced?

    Here’s the murder trial link (one of many)

    • GiRRL,
      According to Dr. Martha Stout and her book “The Sociopath Next Door,” the majority of the 4% of western population suspected of being sociopaths are men. There are no definitive numbers, but I have read the ratio is estimated at being somewhere between 6:1 and 8:1, male to female.

      I have been following the Arias/Alexander story since 2008 when it was first discussed on Dateline. From the beginning, I suspected her of being a very manipulative character. Since learning more about Cluster B disorders and sociopaths in the past two years, I am convinced she is a narcissistic sociopath with a high degree of histrionic character traits, also.

      As a society, we need to be more aware of these dangerous people in order to avoid them, break-up with them safely, and prosecute them when they do lose it (and they all lose it to a degree and their behavior should not be chalked up to simple civil disobedience or mental health breakdowns). I try to find humor in this dark subject where I can. Otherwise, I’d lose my mind trying to make sense of the unimagineable. Thanks for your comment. :)

    • Wow! Thank you for all of this info — fascinating stuff! Sadly, I only just learned of the Arias case. Evidently, I live under a rock. Ha-Ha! You have definitely opened my eyes to this scary disorder. You also made me aware that I had once dated a sociopath (he’s now married with, ready for it? 2 kids! gulp) and a female friend, who thankfully is no longer part of my life. She blames me for the demise of our friendship. She also accused me of being jealous of her. Based on what I’ve learned via your blog, she’s the narc and I am grateful every damn day that I no longer see her. Whew! :-)

      I need to go look up: “histrionic character traits”

    • Holy Crap Paula! I just looked up the definition of HPD and this is my ex-friend to a Tee! Wow! I am so glad she and I are no longer friends. I will never forget the time she told me that her friend Julie’s husband was “better suited for her than Julie.” After she and I had falling out, I found out she said the same about my husband, that he was better suited for her than me! Can you even imagine in your entire f*cking life making such a f*cked up statement like that?!?! Who says shit like that anyway??? Also, while out in public, she truly believed everyone was staring at her — everyone (!) and that everyone, strangers even, were jealous of her. Again, can you even fathom making such a bold statement?!

      “Narc, party of one, your table is ready.”

    • Hehe! I’m glad you searched for this. The boy in my story is not only highly narcissistic and sociopathic, he displayed many histrionic traits, too. the only time he sought help from a psychiatrist was after I left him the 2nd time. (It took me three times before I finally just gave up on him ever being descent.) He complained to the counslor that there must be something wrong with ME and she agreed. Who goes to a psychiatrist to get a diagnosis for someone else? It’s all about thier blame game and never being accountable for their own shit. You ex-friend sounds like a nightmare! She was a better match for just about everyone in her eyes. How delusional! The boy in my story couldn’t have a conversation with ANYONE new without being provocative or flirtatious. He even flirted with my sisters or tried to. They saw through his mask much faster than I did. I just thought he was in need of real-world experiences. Little did I know, his idea of the real world was a big fantasy. Sounds like your ex-friend is in La-La land, too. :)

    • The counselor agreed with HIM!?!? UNbelievable!

      Gee, I wonder what happens when two Narc/Sociopath/Histrionics date? Is it like putting a fork in the microwave? Ha!

    • Well, his mother is clearly borderline personality. The two of them together are like rabid dogs, defending each other’s behavior and choices to the nth degree. They work really well together, I’ll give them that. She claims she ran away from her home when she was teenager due to maltreatment. (She never used the word “abuse.” I wonder why? Too much of a stigma? Or more denial?) He claims he never knew about her being abused until a few months before I left him. Yet, he always described her outbursts and silent treatment as being a normal part of who she is. Normal? She’s bat-shit crazy like him and in total and complete denial about what her son is. The entire family needs counseling if they expect to ever be healthy and normal. But the days are dwindling for that to ever happen. Nut jobs. Hehe! I just think back at it all and can’t help but laugh. I know that seems cruel but nothing compares to the cruelty my son and I endured. I’ll take him thinking I’m bi-polar or borderline any day over being stuck in that shithole of a life again. :)

    • I don’t think it’s cruel at all. I’m just glad your story has a happy ending versus the many victims, like Pistorius’s now dead GF. We’ll never know what really happened and it’s sad that she is now a statistic.

      I really enjoy your blog, I have learned so much in the short time I have been following you. :-)

    • Thank you. I’m glad you like my site. I remind myself a lot that the ending to my story is a happy one. I think that’s one of the reasons why I continue writing. I just don’t want to see or know of people suffering through a relationship like the one I went through without knowing they had/have a choice to leave. No one deserves to be treated like these monsters treat people. And no one deserves to be dismissed and ignored like these monsters dismiss and ignore people who have legitimate reasons to despise them. As good people, we want to forgive and forget. But some things are not forgivable or worth forgetting. We need to share and bring awareness as often and as best we can. If we don’t stand up to these horrible people, no one else will. They’re more than typical assholes. They’re destroyers of life, love, and laughter. And none of us deserve to be without those basics. :)

    • well said!

  11. Liars can’t believe that someone is capable of telling the truth. Cheaters can’t believe that someone is capable of friendship. Narcissists can’t believe that someone could live for others and not themselves. They are the most dangerous group. I haven’t seen much of the news since Friday morning since I don’t turn it on when the kids are with me, but my first thought when I saw the “he thought he was shooting a robber” line, was it was complete bullshit. I jump to that conclusion all the time. I hate that I was right this time.

    • So true, Melanie. I hate when the worst-case scenerio proves true, especially when it comes to good people losing their lives because of these effing fools.

  12. Here, here. My father is such a person and I barely got out alive and I’m relieved to have no contact with him. It all makes sense with Oscar – losing his legs and losing his mom have made him a deeply insecure person. Many high achievers are the same way – Armstrong for one…..

    • Yes, I agree, Keri. We need to learn that these “winners” are just humans and have no super powers that makes them more special than the rest of us. I’d like to see Armstrong incarcerated and brought down to earth. Another coward, in my opinion.

  13. Pistorious is getting a lot of support and some even are worried that this is affecting his running,
    Whenever low class people or government mp s are accused the same type of person supporting pistorious calls for their blood
    How could it be an accident -he must have lost his temper – he is probably due to his affliction got problems with female relationships He showed his character when whining after his Olympic defeat He is getting special treatment

    • Greg, I think he has always received special treatment because of his condition. It’s unfortunate. I read an article by a woman whose son has limb loss and she learned the hard way that if she treats her son differently, he’s going to feel like he’s different. It’s easy to overlook this with Pistorius because from the outside he seems to have overcome his difference. But not even close! I’m sure expressing her love for him wasn’t enough to convince him. The sickness runs deep but that’s no reason for any of us to pity him. He murdered someone. He took away life. As a society, we are so forgiving and empathetic. But who does that serve in this case? Everyone loses.

  14. Stories like this are always so sad! I don’t think even if he gets life, that there are any winners. Everyone involved is always left with a life sentence. Hugs Paula xxx

  15. So true! my mother is not allowed to have a life social or otherwise of her own, it was so hard to watch. she’s not allowed to have any interests of her own, she doesn’t know who she is or what she loves.
    i think the father was also jealous of us, we took her attention from him…


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