If you are or have ever been in a relationship with a narcissistic sociopath (or any number of pathologically disordered characters, for that matter), you’ve been stonewalled. Being stonewalled is disturbing and frustrating, to say the least.
The following seven (7) characteristics of “Stonewalling” were taken from the blog, Psychopath Resistance.
1. Refusal to negotiate a conflict in good faith.
2. Refusal to discuss honestly one’s motivations.
3. Refusal to listen to another point of view with openness.
4. Refusal to compromise.
5. Refusal to collaborate.
6. Refusal to support the other person’s plans.
7. Refusal to accept influence.
Stonewalling tactics guarantee narcissistic supply.
After prolonged periods of being stonewalled, we are forced to do whatever it takes to get an answer and to resolve the issues. We drop to our knees begging and pleading for answers.
They count on us to offer up an apology and to admit to our inadequacies. And we always deliver, because that’s what honest people do.
In good faith, we make our final and last-ditch effort in hopes of resolving the situation. We say something like this:
“I am sorry and understand your frustration, because I should not have said or done X, Y, and Z. Please forgive me. Please talk to me. We need to work this out.”
But this just opens ourselves to more pain and gives the narcissist more fodder to keep blaming us. It’s a twisted and sick game. And makes life so damn complicated.
These fools never change. Your relationship never gets better. It only gets worse. Life should be simple. Love should be simple.
Namaste! ~Paula
It is so nuts!! I even Googled it, discovered it was called Stonewalling, and sent him the link, thinking that if he read what he was doing and how much he was hurting me, he would stop!!!! CRAZY!!!
They are kings and queens of denial, especially when face-to-face with the truth. It IS crazy!
Totally agree, love should be simple!! Happy Valentines Day….Hugs Paula xxx
Donkey, to the T. Good gracious. Seeing these tactics spelled out, I can see them now in every discussion with him. Every single one.
I’m so glad he’s behind me.
This post describes my family of origin to a T.
Comment fail. Buffering issues. ISSUES!!! Sorry everyone. The second version is better. JUST LIKE ME!!
Haha! I was able to read both. No worries!
After years of “co-parenting” with this hogwash, I’ve started giving it right back to him. Saying stuff that makes zero sense, bold-faced lying, spinning yarns. Also, I never answer his emails or calls. Ever. I just say random stuff and act like I never even heard what he said. Just like he’s always done to me. It’s fun and empowering, because the judge thinks it’s all “he said she said” anyway. Plus, his brain is so damaged that he can’t process any truth. With this, I don’t get upset and it throws him off just enough that I get a break from him once in a while! It may eventually get me killed, but when your number’s up, your number is up. I refuse to be afraid of that fool. Can’t live in fear! OWN YOUR POWER, LADIES!!!!
Very creative approach, Over It. You are very brave. And you’re right, why SHOULD we live in fear? I don’t publish the boy’s actual name because he’d cry and run to his lawyer, and even though he couldn’t do much in the end, it’s not worth the hassle. Maybe one day. Why not force him to waste more of his money to cover up more of his lies? Knowing he’s already had to do that brings me lots of pleasure. Losers! Hehe!
Sometimes I feel like the little train trying to chug along in the world of a narcissist (my husband’s ex-). Recently, as her behavior surrounding child support has become more crazy, belittling, stonewalling, and bordering on harassment, I have felt the tide almost turn in my husband and I to give in, to placate. Your words show me otherwise. Thanks for your support.
Mine would do this, just to keep me off balance. There was no “disagreement” or any other refusal. He just did it. No reason, and no explanation. Just hours before, he expressed excitement about our spending time together. When I would get to his house, I was met with silence. He didn’t even acknowledge my presence, except to tell me “come in”. He would be like a statue, staring straight ahead. There would literally be nothing. No movement, nothing. Not pleasant.