A narcissist will discard you when you are no longer useful to him. I’m not just talking about a physical discard like when the relationship ends and he kicks your ass to the curb. I’m talking about an emotional discard that happens while you are still in the relationship. I’m also talking about a discard of all his memories of you once he has found a new source of narcissistic supply. The timing of him finding a new and rich narcissistic/ego supply, determines how soon and when you will no longer be useful to him. It is when you are finally, 100% discarded.
Before leaving my abusive relationship with the boy, I knew I had to be okay with him one day thinking I was “useless.” I left him before he discarded me. I left the toxic relationship at the height of what he thought was his total and complete domination and control over me. I pulled his narcissistic supply right out from under him, and it pissed him off. It REALLY pissed him off.
On top of all the names and accusations he screamed at me through my phone and texts messages, I knew that one day soon his rage against me would end. He would go from one extreme to the next. From being incredibly angry and desperately hurt at my departure one day to telling people I’m nothing to him and never was the next. (Who’s the bi-polar one, again?) And his dramatic and seamless switch was all thanks to fresh narcissistic supply; a new victim had entered his life. What happened to his feelings and thoughts of me? He tucked them neatly away into the far recesses of his mind the way he tucked away the memories of so many other good people he once shared moments.
Struggling with the idea of being useless and of one day not being remembered at all by the narcissist was the hardest part of my acceptance and recovery. After all, in this world of billions we meet so few people with whom we share our inner-most thoughts and feelings. We hope that those people would honor that connection forever, because that’s what good people do. But narcissists don’t see things the way good people see things. They never REALLY share anything about themselves that’s truthful in the first place and only use your disclosures against you. They have no honor to bestow on anything or anyone, including themselves. Where is the honor, usefulness, and goodness in THAT?!?
And when we start speaking the truth about their lack of honor, usefulness, and goodness, we are deemed the dishonorable and tasteless ones. Whatever works for them, I guess.
Accept the discard. Don’t fight it. Don’t try to convince the fool that he’s wrong about you. (I made that mistake. I don’t want you to do that, too.) Instead, discard him like he discarded you. No more ruminating on why he’s the way he is or why you stuck around for so long. You owe it to yourself and your loved ones to free yourself. Accept the discard and discard him today if you haven’t already.