Your relationship seems wrought with arguments. You wonder often if there is something wrong with you or if it’s your partner. Are you the loser? Is your partner the loser? Are you both losers? It’s not an easy determination to make. It’s difficult to be in a relationship and also be able to analyze the relationship objectively.
I’ll share some Loser Moves the boy in my story often used that you might want to look out for the next time you’re trapped in an argument with your significant other.
Loser Move #1 – Immediate Judgment
Your phone rings. You don’t answer it. Your partner asks why. You say because you weren’t in the mood to talk to your sister and you’ll call her back later. He immediately wants to see your phone because he doesn’t believe you. He thinks it’s some guy you’re trying to keep secret.
Loser Move #2 – Name-Calling
You refuse to show him your phone because his accusations are absurd. He calls you a liar. He calls you a whore. He says you can’t be trusted.
Loser Move #3 – The Blame Game
You tell him that he’s being unreasonable and you try walking away. You don’t want to fight over a phone call. He says he wouldn’t fight if you hadn’t made him suspicious in the first place. Not answering your phone was suspicious, and it’s your fault he’s angry.
Loser Move #4 – If You Really Loved Me!
You start to walk away. He cries, “If you really loved me you would show me your phone and prove me wrong.” You don’t show him your phone because you know that if he loved you he’d trust you.
Loser Move #5 – The Silent Treatment
He completely shuts down, turns up the television, and ignores you. You ask him if he wants dessert because you’re dishing out some ice cream for yourself. He doesn’t answer you. You ask him to please answer you. He ignores you. You go about your business.
Loser Move #6 – Gas lighting
He turns down the TV and walks toward the table where you’re eating your ice cream. With his hand resting on his hip, he asks you why you didn’t ask him if he wanted any. You say that you did ask him. He says you didn’t. You explain that he might not have heard you because the TV was so loud. He says the TV wasn’t that loud; you didn’t ask him.
Loser Move #7 – Demand for an Apology
He tells you he deserves an apology for your inconsiderateness. You start feeling guilty because you realize you could have walked up to him and asked him instead of shouting across the kitchen and into the living room. You feel a little guilty and ashamed. You tell him you’re sorry.
Loser Move #8 – Straw-Man Defense
After apologizing, he says, “See, so you should have just shown me your phone when I asked you to show it to me. You are obviously ashamed. Who is the guy who is calling you?” You sit there puzzled and confused and begin to explain that you apologized for not serving him ice cream. You still aren’t sorry that you didn’t show him your phone. He should trust that it was your sister. You have given him no reason to believe otherwise.
Loser Move #9 – Playing the Victim
He begins to breakdown, “You don’t love me. You don’t understand that I NEED you to love me. I NEED you. You are my soul mate. You are the love of my life. You are the only one for me. You make me feel so unwanted. You are so cruel to me. All I ever wanted was for you to love me.” You sit dumbfounded as the tears roll down his cheek. You say, “Are you serious? You started this argument because you didn’t trust me when I said the call was from my sister. How is all of this my fault now? Look what you did to get us to this point.”
Loser Move #10– The Rage
He doesn’t like the idea of looking at himself. Instead, he screams, “Get the F#@% out of MY house!!!” Again, you are dumbfounded. You just stand there. He screams more expletives and calls you more names and finally you find yourself on the outside of the house with no shoes, no purse, and nowhere to go.
A healthy relationship doesn’t look like that ^^^^!!
Here is what a healthy relationship looks like:
Your phone rings. You don’t answer it. Your partner asks why. You say because you weren’t in the mood to talk to your sister and you’ll call her back later. Your partner says, “Okay. Let’s have some ice cream!”
Life is so simple if we allow it to be. Namaste!