COVETOUS SOCIOPATH, PSYCHOPATH, ANTISOCIAL PERSONALITY TYPE: Feels deliberately deprived & denied, rapacious, very greedy, jealous, envious, begrudging, endlessly yearning, seeks retribution. Finds pleasure in actual taking more than having.
I have read, studied, researched, put to the test, and read some more on just about everything I can get my hands on related to narcissists and sociopaths. I spent 11 months (from late March 2011 to late February 2012) trying to disprove my own findings supporting the fact that the boy whom I escaped is a sociopath.
I did not want to believe I had fallen victim to such evil. I did not want to believe that I had introduced family, friends, and (most of all) my son to such a disgusting excuse for a human being. But I did. And the mental confusion and anguish took its toll.
In my research, I have focused on the branch of psychiatry known as social psychiatry. Social psychiatry studies the interpersonal and social/cultural context of the occurrences of mental disorders and well-being and uses training techniques and perspectives of fields such as social anthropology, social psychology, cultural psychiatry, sociology. (Social psychiatry contrasts with biopsychiatry which focuses on genetics, brain neurochemistry, and medication.) I’m not interested in “why” sociopaths exists as much as I’m interested in knowing where and how to spot them and avoid them at all costs.
To me, it is far more valuable for the non-mental health disordered members of a society (like me) to understand how to recognize the destructive and mentally disordered members of society (like the boy). Delusional and mentally disordered individuals are incurable. They don’t even recognize they are majorly flawed. When a healthy person comes into contact with people like the boy, that healthy person soon becomes unhealthy and appears to be the “crazy” one because a healthy person reacts in the fight/flight/freeze mode to a mentally disordered person’s abnormal behavior. So, when a healthy person fiercely lashes out verbally at the unhealthy and abnormal behavior and communication strategies of a sociopath, we are deemed the ones who are unstable. How convenient for the sociopaths like the boy, huh?
Case in point…
Christmas 2010. The boy and I went to Toys R Us to look for gifts for my son who was 5 at the time. We walked to the learning games section where Leapfrogs and similar products were stocked. Staring at the huge selection, I couldn’t remember if my son’s father had already purchased something I was interested in buying, so I looked at the boy and said, “I’m going to call his dad and see if he already bought this. Would you help me look for book XXX?” The boy nods with what I translate to be a “yes.” I dial my son’s dad on my cell and have a short and sweet conversation lasting less than a minute. Less. Than. A. Minute.
I put away my phone and turn to speak to the boy, but he’s not there. I go to the next aisle. He’s not there, either. I walk up and down the aisles in this section but can not find him anywhere. I walk to the front of the store toward the cash registers. (This is a HUGE Toys R Us.) I see the boy standing over by some dolls in the girl’s section.
I walk up to him frustrated and demand, “Why did you walk away from me? You said you would help me? What is wrong with you? I have been searching up and down the aisles trying to find you? What are you doing?”
In typical delusional fashion, the boy screams, “Don’t talk to me like that! I was looking for something for my niece. You have no right to talk to me like that!” Then he walks out of the store. I walk to the registers. I had toys to buy. I wasn’t dealing with the boy’s childish mind games.
I purchased my son’s gifts, walked to the car expecting to see the boy waiting there, but discovered he was nowhere in sight. I got into my car and drove around the shopping center, the nearby neighborhoods, and finally gave up looking for the boy and drove back to the boy’s house. I “wasted” more than 30 minutes in search of a grown man who was acting more like a 5-year-old than my 5-year-old.
I pull up to the boy’s house, park, and enter through the side door. What do you know?! He was sitting all cozy on his sofa with his dog on his lap licking himself. (The dog was licking himself, not the boy. Hehehe!) Hmmm?
I immediately scream at him that he shouldn’t just walk away and not tell someone where he is going. Silence. More silence. He continues to ignore me, giving me the silent treatment. I wanted to scream. I wanted to leave. I couldn’t take dealing with this fucker ignoring me and trying, in his silence, to punish me for his own childish behavior.
You see, he walked away from me in the store because he WANTED me to get upset with him and yell at him in order to accuse me of being hateful. But it was out of his own self-hatred that he projects onto me and my son that my disgust for his actions manifested. My attention was being taken away from him in the store when I called my son’s father. He HATED that I was focused so much on my son and buying gifts for my son. His narcissistic supply was drained that day, and he knew exactly how to get more. And he got it, just like a child who drops his pacifier and cries until someone comes along and gives it back to him.
I should have walked away from the boy’s demented life that day and left him to find another pacifier, another healthy woman to drain. But I waited a few more weeks.
(He never did buy a doll for his niece that Christmas, by the way. Another controlling distraction created by his delusional mind.)